I don’t know, I’m bored.
You know what, let’s have a little short, I call this, Items That Think They Are People.
“I wish this bitch would just go ahead and get World Adventures. I want to go visit the Louvre.”
Shut the hell up, you tree. You are a tree. Trees don’t go to France.
“I am so tired, maybe I should lay down and take a nap-uh… how would I go about doing that?”
Lay on… yourself?
“I’M STARVING FEED ME CAKE”
“I’m kinna’ startin’a stink. I’ve been heer fo’ a while…”
Try for an entire generation? I would think one would start stinking.
“Hmmm… maybe I should come out and reveal to the world that I’m a talking, thinking, feeling plant. I would make so much money…”
No you wouldn’t, plant. You live in the South. You reveal that you have intelligence, then you become an abomination of nature. We shoot things like you around here.
“Hey, sexy man! How ’bout we go behind the bushes, and uh, mount.”
“Did dat horse statue come on to me?!”
“In Southern Twinbrook, horse woohoo with YOU!”
“Yeah, I’m blowin’ this bitch up.”
Ok end of short.
Back at the Secksie’s, Darrell was
forced to get comfortable with his new life with his new fiance, whether he wanted to or not. Enjoying your new home, Darrell?
“I STILL DON’T KNOW WUT’S GOIN’ ON”
I think he’s settling in well.
But his makeover didn’t WHAT THE FUCK DARRELL
“Is it really windy ’round heer ‘r is it just me?”
Glitchy CC pants are glitchy, I knew they were too good to be true.
Of course, they can’t be the only thing screwing up right?
Turn on the game one day and find Dodge starving in the foundation.
“Yep, lookit ther’. I’m glitched tightur under this foundatshun’ than a ‘possum between a dog an’ a car”
And of course, we can’t have the Secksies without Amber showing her ass in one fashion or another. Or in this case, not at all.
“So sis, yew excited to git married in a lil bit?”
“I’m really excited! I donno wut made Darr’ll all of a sudden realize that he wants to be my husband though…”
“Um, Vurginyuh’? You gotta stop starin’ at his… thing.”
“I can’t help it Jurry! He still hasn’t put on any pants!”
So with that, say goodbye to the trailer that was built just so Dodge could get to his LTW faster.
What’s strange is that he ended up fulfilling it RIGHT after the trailer was finished, I ended up selling $70k worth of shit Sinbad stole ages ago. Turns out I didn’t need to build a crappy cheap trailer. I was just too lazy to tear it back down and build something nicer at the time.
Only the best wedding Dodge can provide for his little girl, complete with a rented fountain and a fenced in toilet just in case.
The Secksie’s have never seen luxury at this level, I assure that.
I’m sure they’ve never seen all the broken gnomes gathered in one spot as they are either.
“Ah, these purdy lil flowurs feel good on my burnt feet.”
What the hell happened to you, Dodge?! You were supposed to stay clean for your daughter’s wedding!
“I blew up that junkyard. That horse tried to make a pass at me ‘gain.”
“And as fur YEW! We got rid of our entire four room trailur fur this weddin’! Yew BETTUR nawt think ’bout leavin’ my dawghtur at the aisle! I’ll blast ur ass from heer to the army base with my mood changur if yew try that shit!”
“Git off my junk Dodge! I’m gonna marry her, damn!”
I’m just happy that he put on pants for this.
“Ok, so we invited all the Secksies and the Adairs fur my weddin’, right? Ok, that’s ’bout ruffly… half the town, right? How come NONE of them showed up fur my weddin’?”
Yeah… I invited a shit ton of people, and the only two people that showed up…
Were two party crashers, neither of them invited, and Cycl0n3 didn’t even fucking dress up >:I
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to stay at the house and watch my son?!”
“Your little brat with that horny Doctor isn’t any of my damn problem, you cheating skank.”
“You see, this is why I cheated on your stupid ass.”
Oh GOODY, I’m going to guess no one is watching one of the few precious children in this town?! SCREW YOU GUYS.
“DADDY! This isn’t how I wanted my dream weddin’! I wanted a bouncy castle and a white horse, and an actual priest fur this thing!”
“But… Cycl0n3 came! He’s an ordained ministur’ right?”
I don’t think so.
Well, are you?
“Um, no, I’m just a pickpocket.”
Well that’s just nice. Anywoo, this is Poi-Boi’s simself, from the Pollination Legacy (:D), I managed to make him work in Twinbrook YAY
He’s decided to crash a party where NO ONE knows him, real smart, Poi.
“What?! I was just walking by in my best formal and just so happened to see a party going on, might as well check out what’s happening.”
Finally I got tired of waiting on guests that were obviously not showing up, so the ceremony started.
“I think it’s a perfect time for a dance, dirty old guy!”
“I agree! Payin’ attentshun at these things are borin’!”
“DO DA CHICKEN LEG! DO DA CHICKEN LEG!”
“Oh GOD I don’t want to dance with you anymore old guy D:”
“BOOO! Your rip off of the Stanky Leg sucks Dodge! Go back to the junkyard!”
Guys! There is a wedding going on, stop being distracting!
“I can’t believe we’re exchangin’ vows, Darr’ll! Ever since I saw you over at the kindergard’n playground I knew I wanted to marry yew, and there was nothin’ my middle school teachur was gonna say to me at the time to change my mind!”
And so the dear couple married in the presence of people that didn’t know them, slightly off to the side of the center of the aisle, OH how the little things just piss me off.
And where the hell did Dodge go?
“Wut? Old man like me’s gotta eat, ya know.”
Yeah but, you’re the one that’s forcing this wedding to HAPPEN, why the fuck can’t you just stay long enough to at least watch it?!
“LUK, my needs are greatur than my dawghtur’s weddin’. And on that note, yew know a doctur that could luk at this burn on my back? I don’t think it’s healin’ fast ’nuff.”
Then, after the wedding, ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE just started showing up. Mostly, still, people that weren’t invited. Like my old version of Dina Caliente here.
“I heard there was going to be a wedding so I put on the most beautiful wedding dress I could find! I’m so excited! It’s going to be the greatest day of my life!”
Oh dear, aren’t you in for a world of disappointment.
NICK! My main man! You weren’t on the guest list due to me running out of room, but I’m glad you could make it anyway!
“Wut do you MEAN I wasn’t on the guest list! I’m a fuckin’ SECKSIE!”
Yeah, well I ran out of room on the list, so I had to make a few cuts. But still, you made it!
“FUCK YOU, I can’t believe you thought I wasn’t important enough fur ur FUCKIN’ LIST!”
Damn, someone’s grumpy.
“Ah, that was a lovely wedding. I’m having such a good time here tonight!”
“What? You mean I missed it?”
“Sure did, Cocaine! It just ended!”
“What do you MEAN the wedding ended?! I, the bride, just got here! The ceremony couldn’t have started without me!”
Don’t you have a baby to take care of, Dina?
“Dammit Micah, I told yew it was a bad idea to take a turn at that light, now we’re late!”
“Shut it mama and come on, we ain’t late fur the receptshun, I’m sure!”
How could you two be late, you live two houses down the road from here!
“WHAT?! THOSE MORONS WERE ON THE GUEST LIST, BUT I WASN’T?!”
“Oh HI, white faced guy! Welcome to the Secksie clan!”
“Whif faffed guy?! *chokes on Nick’s hair*”
Yeah, Darrell is pretty pale in the face when people think of him or talk to him. He along several other sims actually. I guess because he’s so horrified that he’s related to these people now?
“Hey Virginia, let’s dance, just us two, bride to blushing bride!”
“Um, sure, uh… Darr’ll… do somethin’ bout her… please…”
“I donno, this is kinda hot!”
“But she’s givin’ me a really scary look :(”
“Well hello there, young lady! Care for a dance?”
“Sure! My name is Frances Secksie, Spring’s last child before she fell off the dam.”
“I’m Poi Boi, I’m also a legacy writer, CHECK OUT MY SWEET MOVES CUTIE PIE”
“Um, ok? A lil’ creepy, but ok…”
“This party sucks.”
Well, you are just a little sour puss. You didn’t have to come, you know.
“Yeah, I didn’t have to come ‘cus I wasn’t even invited!”
Tamara: “Oh you dance so good, sexy! Here’s my number!”
Cocaine: “Thanks lady! I’m gonna get laid tonight, aren’t I?”
Tamara: “If you play your cards right, big boy ;)”
Harley: “Did that girl just give that man her number? Didn’t she come here with Cycl0n3?”
Poi-Boi: “Yeah, and she also gave Lonnie a number earlier during the ceremony. And she even has a kid waiting on her at home! She is such a ho.”
“Yeah well, stop trying to hold my waist, dude, I’m not into that kinda’ dancin’!”
“Aww, come on…”
“DAMMIT POI BOI, STOP TRYINA TOUCH MY LEGS”
“WOOO! GREATEST!! PARTY!! EVER!!”
Yeah, says the crasher that stood behind the bushes the entire time.
But for a little while, I thought she was right. Dispite none of the actual guests besides Micah and Harley arriving and a whole bunch of crashers when the wedding ended, it was a really good party. People were dancing and enjoying themselves, and no one pissed themselves.
OF COURSE, shit turns real fast when you don’t think it won’t…
“DAMMIT LAWNIE! I told yew once, I told yew SEVENTEEN TIMES, cook these damn HOT DOGS! Yew were supposed’tuh cook them when the guests got heer, but they’re still raw!”
“Jeez, sorry ma, I was gonna go meet dat green dressed gurl behind the garage, I thought dad wus gonna take care of ’em fur me!”
“Ur fathur is stupid and burnt to a crisp now COOK THE FUCKIN’ DOGS!”
Really shouldn’t have let the insane person cook the food, but didn’t think about it at the time.
Then, all of a sudden, Dodge realized that there were just too many people on the lot to listen to him pee behind a wall, dispite him peeing earlier with no fucking problem with it.
But yeah, for some reason Dodge thought Poi Boi was being inappropriate, everyone else he wanted to shoo to another room.
I WONDER WHY
“Oh my, how embarrassing…”
“I’m so embarrassed, I can’t believe hearing an old man pee over a fence over this loud ass music would be so shocking…”
“I’ve lived with my brothur for twenny’ years, but this is so humilee’atin…”
“Don’t worry about them papa, they’ll furget bout ur peein’ in the mawnin’ once the Budweisers start wearin’ on them. I’m gonna go pee though, apparently dancin’ for a while has made me wanna pee really, really, REALLY, badly.”
“Uh, ok, I didn’t have to pee, I just went into LABUR INSTEAD! Someone! Help me! I can’t be havin’ a baby on my own weddin’ day in front of a toilet!”
Of course, no one heard Virginia’s screams coming from the bathroom over the sound of their own screaming.
LONNIE! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?!
“Wut?! I had to go to work! Sinbad’s late work isn’t gonna complete itself yew know! Or maybe it would’ve… once the zombies break out, it can kinda ride from there…”
“Hello? Help yall repair sum brokun pipes at City Hall despite me havin’ hardly any handiness? Why sure, I would love to help! And take a five minute servey on our local fire department, sure, I got time fur that…”
So yeah, I guess all the guests went from a really wonderful wedding party to the most horrifying night of their boring dull lives.
I’m glad my roommate’s sim got such a kick out of it over there >:\
“How could I have let a fire ruin my lil’ gurl’s big day?! I mean, yeah, I luv fire! I set myself on fire today actually! But, oh this is so humiliatin’…”
“Speakin’ of our lil’ gurl, has anyone seen her since she ran of and trailed watur all down the aisle carpet?”
“Oh NO! The FIRE! My SISTUR! I don’t know which to panic ovur more!”
“I think I’m going to walk calmly over here and panic over your sister, yeah.”
“Yep, I found her, she’s freakin’ out over her with her face in the side of the fridge!”
“FUUUCK! THIS PARTY SUCKED! I’M NEVER COMIN’ TO ONE OF UR DUMB PARTIES EVER AGAIN!”
Oh SCREW YOU, Nick! I don’t have time to listen to you bitch about the damn party!
In the end, Heidi put the fire out and saved the day.
“Ah, thanks there sweetie. Yew were always lookin’ aftur this family ain’t cha?”
“DAMMIT FATHER! Why did you fail to extinguish this blaze yourself!? You could have easily handled it yourself! Why am I still stuck doing all this shit?!”
“I love yew too, Heidi. I love yew too.”
“Now, that all that excitement is ovur, wut should we do bout my cousin breakin’ out into labur ovur heer?
Am I the only one that’s noticed?”
“Oh hello sexy! I do believe I’m your beautiful bride, am I not? I’m dressed for a wedding, you’re dressed for a wedding, shall we?”
“Ew, NO! I got married to Vurginyuh, did you NAWT see the weddin’?!”
Dodge: *completely ignore the flirt and examine the burnt grill*
“Oh it hurts so much mama! I’m in so much PAIN!”
“I know babydoll! I’m starvin’ too, and I’m gonna beat ur brothur when he gits home for leavin’ us to starve like this!”
“NO MAMA! The BABY! I’m HAVIN’ THE BABY!”
“And heer she is! My good and genius dawghtur, Dixie!”
The new little baby’s name comes from, well, the “Dixie region”.
Also the name of every black female Labrador retriever I have ever met. Hell, even I have one named Dixie.
“Oh mama, she’s so perfect, don’t cha think? I’ve never felt a love like this befur.”
“Oh well, here yew go baby.”
“Yep, I’ll see yew on ur next burthday.”
Nice. So that’s that, the wedding party ended and most of the people went home with so-so feelings about the party. I’m surprised that no one sued the Secksie’s for the traumatic experience.
“Dayum son, yew a tiny lil mu’fuka ain’t cha?”
“Tiny?! Bitch, that ain’t wut ur mama said last night!”