I AM MY OWN STORY PROGRESSOR *shuffles townies around Twinbrook like a bad poker player*
Oh, yeah, moving on
So, last chapter, Jed died, and it was really heart breaking for all of us, but not really for the Secksies because most of them had that memory erased with the mood changer so it was like he wasn’t even there at all…
Now Amber is the oldest sim in the house, and she’s really showing it through her mentality
Like spending a lot of time naked in the kitchen ._.
I’m actually more concerned that she’s missing an arm rather than why she’s nude.
“Yeah… it was a freak accuh’dent wen I was eight, daddy ran me ovur widda tractur by accuh’dent. The arm yew usually see me wearin’ round the hawse is a prostetic’.”
How sad D:
Now since Jed has passed, I’m kinda left with an excess of fish that are a pain in the ass to take care of.
Now, what to do with all these fish… hmm…
Heh heh heh….
Wait, how the hell do you stuff a jellyfish exactly?!
That’s got to be a taxidermist’s worst nightmare.
“Hey papa! I’m back frum fishin’ ovur at the resev’wur!”
“Glad to see yew back babydoll. How wus ur first day workin’ without ur grandpaw there doin’ all the work fur yew?”
“Eh, it was ok, but I have great news fur yew papa! Well, I don’t know how’da say it but…”
“Papa, ur gonna be a gran’paw! I’m pregnant!”
“Yeah papa! I’m gonna have a lil’ baby! I’m so excited! I’m gonna have a lil gurl I think, and I’m gonna dress her up like a lil baby doll and there’s gonna be a pink nurs’rey wid Packer wallpapur, trust me, it’s nawt gonna be as tacky as yew think-”
“NO! NO NO NO NO NO! NO! NAWT MY LIL GURL, NAWT MY YUNG’EST LIL GURL!! YEW CAN’T BE PREGNANT!!”
“…Um… Th-that’s nawt the react’shun I was hopin’ fur…”
“I donno papa! I’m guessin’ the stork brought me a gud fortchun’ r’ somethin’!”
“D-do yew even KNOW how babies r’ made?! Don’t tell me one’a dem KIDS frum the local school is the FATHUR’!”
“Um, I don’t think…”
“Ok ok, go back and tell me, who were yew with last night!”
“Last night? Well, let’s see… ”
Dodge: “I guess it’s a flashback?”
Virginia: “Yep, checkout that photoshop border actshun!”
Shut up guys, it was five in the morning when I did it D:<
Virginia: “Well anyway, it was a late night burthday party fur Darr’ll. Purdy much at that time I gotta call frum Jurry’ that grammpaw died. So I like walk inta’ Darr’ll’s hawse and he was all like ‘wus ‘rong babe?’ and I said ‘my grammpaw jus’ died Darr’ll I’m sad.’
He said I missed the party, but aftur hearin’ bout grammpaw he was really sad fur me.”
“He took me by my hands n’ wus like ‘don’t be so sad babe, ur wid me now on my burthday,’ n’ I said, ‘mmk’ or somethin’. N’ I was really happy that he was there to help take my mind off grammpaw. I donno, but somethin’ in me thought it was a gud idea to kiss ’em.”
“So I did. I’ve been waitin’ fur this boy to kiss me since he was in grade school. Too bad it had to be a time wen he was jus’ startin’ to grow his furst beard’ r wutever, cuz it itched liked shit.”
“Let’s see, oh, aftur the kiss, he said ‘the party guests were all gone, but we could go do somethin’ to celebrate his burthday togethur’, n’ fur a second I was hopin’ that we’d go to Chuckie Cheese, but that wasn’t wut Darr’ll had’n mind.”
“We went to his room and talked on his bed fur a lil’ while. Then he sed, ‘I got a Twistur bedspread, yew wanna see it’ n’ I sed yeah, cuz I hadn’t played Twistur in furever!”
“So we got under his covurs and sho nuff, there was a Twistur bedspread!”
“I wus winnin’ but he fell on top of me and purdy much laid there on top of me lika’ frog on’uh log”
“N’ durin’ that time I lost my pants.”
“Afturwards he made waffles. Then he laffed at me, I guess cuz I couldn’t find my clothes, but it didn’t matter because I won that game!
Then I went to work, n’ then I came home and heer I am!”
“VIRGINIA CLEM SECKSIE!! That was NAWT a game of Twistur! Yew two WOOHOOED!! WOOHOO, VIRGINIA! How could’ya be so naive n’ STUPID?!”
“I-I’m sorry papa, I d-didn’t know…”
“Honey? Honey, don’t cry, don’t worry. We’re gonna be there fur yew n’ ur baby, ok? I’m actually kinda lookin’ forward to a granbaby, seein’ as the other two prolly won’t give me one anyway. We are gonna take care of yew baby gurl. Don’t yew worry bout it, ok?”
“Sniff, ok papa. I’m sorry, but thanks fur offerin’ to help me.”
“Yeah… I’m gonna help yew alright…”
I don’t like that look in your eyes, Dodge…
Dodge then sat on the porch for the rest of the night and into the morning, reading the paper, barely looking at anyone as they passed him.
“Dammit, this papur’ is full’a lies! Can’t no one in this town get their story right in this thing?!”
Dang, you’re right Dodge.
You didn’t buy a car at all.
“Ooh, papa was right, Vurginyuh’s really pregnant, isn’t she?”
Yeah and you’re still in the house, why do I keep forgetting that?
Soon, Dodge took off in Sinbad’s old truck, in the completely opposite direction of town… uh oh.
“Well hello Miss Adair, lovely mawnin’ we havin’ aren’t we?”
“Why yes it is Mista Secksie. Can I help yew to anythin’ on this fine day?”
“Well, I wish to speak wid’ ur son, Darr’ll. I have somethin’ to… ask of him, so if yew’d kindly ask him to meet me heer, that’ll be nice.”
“Sure, come on in, Mista Secksie. Darr’ll’ be down in a lil bit.”
*half an hour of patient waiting*
“YEW! YEW LIL MU’FUCKUR I HAV’A MIND TO RIP UR THING OFF RIGHT HEER RIGHT NOW”
“Oh GAWD, M-m-mista Secksie, w-wut’r yew doin’ heer this early in the mawnin’?!”
“DON’T give me that crap, yew know PURFECTLY well wut I’m doin’ heer boy! Virginia’s PREGNANT cuz of yew! THAT’S WUT I’M DOIN’ HEER THIS EARLY IN THE MAWNIN’!”
“Virginia’s… pregnant? Because of me?”
“I…I don’t understand, wut’re yew talkin’ bout?! Can ya stop screamin’ at me fur ten seconds and tell me wut the hell’s goin’on-”
“SCREAMIN’?! I’LL SCREAM IF I WANNA! YEW KNOW WELL WUT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT!! THAT GAME OF “TWISTUR” YEW PLAYED WID MY DAWGHTUR TWO NIGHTS AGO!”
“Yew lil shit. You. IMPREGNATED. MY. DAWGHTUR!!!”
“Oh… oh well um… *backs away into the kitchen* M-m-m-mista Secksie, I uh, uh, y-yew’re b-bein’ inap-p-p-propriate, if yew k-keep this up, ur gonna have’ta l-leave!”
“LEAVE?! BEIN’ INAPPROPRIATE?! YEW WERE BEIN’ INAPPROPRIATE WEN YEW SCREWED MY DAWGHTUR! NOW SHE’S PREGNANT AND YEW WANNA TELL ME I’M OUTTA LINE?!
I ain’t leavin’ this hawse til yew git ur lil ass down there n’ PURPOSE TO MY DAWGHTUR!”
“Dude! Suriously! I’m nawt marryin’ Vurginyuh! *backs up a little farther into the house* I don’t care if ur lil family has standards, but just cus she’s pregnant doesn’t mean I’m gonna marry her! I’m just her friend, and THAT’S ALL I’M GONNA BE.”
“LIKE HELL YOU ARE YOU LIL SHIT”
“OH GAWD MAMA GIT ‘IM OFFA ME HE’S BREAKIN MY ARM”
“YOU. GIT. THE. HELL. IN. MY. TRUCK. NOW.”
“OK OK! I’ll come! J-just let me go pack some clothes and tell my mama where I’m gonna be-”
“NO. Git ovur to my hawse now or so help me I’ll mood change yew to death!”
“C-come on dude, at least gimme a minute to tell my mama why I’m leavin-”
“I’M GETTIN’ THE MOOD CHANGUR NOW”
“Ok, I’ll leave now!”
After caps locking himself hoarse, Dodge managed to blackmail Darrell into going to see Virginia. In the end, Dodge was told by Darrell’s mother to get the hell out of the house, but hell, Darrell managed to get to the Secksie house before Dodge even made it to the door!
“So mama, Lawnie! Guess wut! I got awesum news! Mama, ur gonna be a grandmama, cuz I’m pregnant!”
“Wut did yew just SAY young lady?!”
“It bettur nawt be MINE, I’m nawt ready to be a Fathcle!”
“Don’t make up words, boy!”
“Oh gawd, maybe I shouldn’a sed anythin’…”
“Um, h-hi Mrs Secksie, c-can I talk to Vurginyuh alone real q-quick?”
“Oh, hello Darr’ll. Nawt right now, I’m kinda mad at Vurginyuh right now…”
“I don’t think yew understand Mrs Secksie. Um, my life kinda depends on it right now…”
“Listen to the boy, Ambur. Jus’ go on in the hawse and let them talk right quick.”
“S-so Vurginyuh, I heard that ur really p-pregnant… is that so?”
“Yep! I has a lil baby growin’ inside of me! I’m so excited! Apparently no one else in the hawse is exactly thrilled ’bout it though…”
“I’m th-thrilled fur ya Vurginyuh! Ur sucha’ sweet gurl, yew’d make a great mother!”
“Pfft, all this mushy crap’s gotta GO, Darr’ll, move it ‘r I’m gettin’ the mood changur!”
Darrell decided that he had to pee all of a sudden and made a run to the bathroom. I don’t blame him. Dodge was getting pretty pissy though.
*three fucking hours later after Darrell figured his way out of the trailer*
“So uh, Vurginyuh, am I really the fathur?! I mean, I’m still a lil confused, this was thrown at me all of a sudden, but is it true?”
“I guess so 😀 papa told me that yew had somethin’ really important to tell me though. Wut was it?”
“Well, it’s just that, V-vurginyuh… um, ur a really nice gurl, and I do think ur really purdy, um, I guess I’ve been a lil
young shy to ask yew out befur but I was wond’rin if maybe yew and I could be togethur and we could take care of the baby togethur. Virginyuh, do yew see us togethur down the road in the futu-”
“THIS IS TAKIN’ TOO LONG AND I’M GETTIN’ OUT THE MOOD CHANGUR, DARR’LL”
“OH GAWD OH GAWD *fumbles with the ring box*”
*More nervous fumbling*
“Darr’ll? Yew ok?”
“VURGINYUH! M-m-m-marry me and we’ll t-t-take care of the b-b-b-b-b-baby togethur!!”
“AH MAH GAWD A WEDDIN RING?! MARRY YEW! OH WOW, I WILL I WILL!!”
“Oh it’s so beautif- uh Darr’ll? It broke and fell off…”
“Um, well, I made it outta that silvur paper stuff yew find in cigarette cartons I found in the floorboard of ur father’s truck on the drive ovur heer. I was a lil’… rushed…”
“Aw, I still ‘pprciate the gesture, Darr’ll! I’m so excited!”
“I’m glad fur yew Vurginyuh.”
“And hey, psst, Darr’ll. If yew even THINK about leavin’ well, let me warn yew, my son skinned a cop alive befur…”
Um, yeah, about that…
Ick, there’s now so much tension in the Secksie house I could hit it with my car. Dodge showed his darker side, and now there’s going to be a shotgun wedding. Without the shotgun of course.
“Oh hey Ambur! Check this out! There gonna have, liek, a new Exorcist movie comin’ out! Can yew believe that?! Suriously, another one?!”
I’m sure she can Amy.
Oh, and Amy reminded me of something. I went a few days before I noticed, but look:
Shark and Leroy are gone!