Wow of all the updates I do you would think I would have gotten this one out when it needed to be. I failed.
Welcome to the Secksie’s Super Superbowl Party, where unless you live under a rock, or just got back from Canada, you already know who won the Superbowl.
GOD, I feel late with this
So if you feel like reading about football, the worst football channel in the world, my editing skills, and ordering pizza, then you came to the right blog. Or maybe not.
Damn, girls. Calm the fuck down.
The party guests started piling up in the yard around 9 that morning. And there a majority of them stayed.
“Who are yew?”
“I’m Nick, can’t yew tell?!”
“Welcome to FOX! Where we’ve been covering the big Superbowl game twenty four seven!”
“Um, Rich? We aren’t on FOX, this is Sports Universe.”
“What, really? Damn. Please tell me that’s something like ESPN, right?”
“Hell no, we are terrible. We’re so bad that we are probably going to get less views by football fans today than Telemundo.”
“…Wait, we are on air… Hello fans that can’t get FOX! This is Rich Muron, your host for the Packers-Steelers Superbowl 2011!”
“And I’m Dan Prefer, the host that’s going to be telling you everything for this broadcast. I hope you’re as excited for the Superbowl as we are! Because for the next seven hours, we will be prepping you for the upcoming game!”
“Oh the Supurbo’s gonna be startin’ soon! I better order a pizza fur the party!”
“Wait a minute… it’s snowin’ right now in Texas? Damn! Does this mean the game’s gonna get canceled?!”
I doubt it because then someone is going to have to answer to the hands of thousands and thousands of angry insane football fanatics
WITH THEIR LIVES
“Wen are they gonna start this damn thing! I’m tired of them preppin’ fur the half time show! I just wanna watch bulky men in tights ressul’ on top of each other fur a pigskin!”
“Dad, shut up, I’m trying to keep up with the score!”
“And number nine thinks he scored a touchdown again despite the fact that no one is on the field right now! I think he’s lost again.”
“Where are the coaches, Dan?”
“Still in the locker rooms with the rest of the team I think, Rich.”
“Wait a minute. Isn’t number nine a white guy, Rich?”
“I believe so, Dan. I think his name is like Dan too now that I think about it, or something like that. Isn’t he still injured and out for the season or something, because I’m not paying attention.”
“Well, if he’s not Norm Johnson, I don’t think any of them are paying attention. Can we like, get an editing crew in here or something, fix this problem?”
“Ah, there we go, a face we can all recognize.”
lol, he’s the only one I remember from watching the first ten minutes with my grandparents.
I KNOW NOTHING OF FOOTBALL
“Wut’s goin’ on out there? They keep thinkin’ everyone out there is Troy Pur’murur! And great, the coach is chasin’ him across the field again! This isn’t the Supurbo’ I remember frum me and ur maw’s weddin’!”
“Dammit dad. Shut up! And stop talkin’ ’bout the Steelurs, no one gives a shit.”
“OHMAHGAW, IS DAT FUTBOL?! I LOVE FUTBOL! ‘SPECIALLY WEN THEY DRIVE THE CARS IN THE CIRCLE”
“Dad, Lawnie’ got out of the garage again!”
“Dammit, I broke my arm again…”
By the way, Micah, readers. Readers, Micah, Harley’s middle child with Jeramy. Yeah, I didn’t really care either.
“So Rich, what the hell was that?”
“That was one of the plays where the Packer’s fumbled the ball, Dan. It’s the Steeler’s turn to work out their offense and see if they will score.”
“COME ON STEELURS! Don’t LET the Packur’s GIT THAT BALL BACK!!”
“Damn lady, stop screaming so loud, it’s just a tv.”
“Who invited Aunt Harley?”
“Aw, the Steeler’s fumble as well! Rich, at the rate the players are going, they aren’t going to score this quarter.”
“WUT THE FUCK WUS THAT?! WUT IS WRONG WID YALL GUYS! SCORE DAMMIT! SCORE! SHIT!”
“Virginia, do something with your crazy-ass Aunt! We can’t watch the game with her standing there screaming at it!”
“Ok Dan, I drew out the Packer’s defense strategy from their last play here to break it down. Apparently number 7 and 54 got the same idea and took off in the wrong directions, And I really think that no one caught the ball when it was passed to number 14. I honestly have no idea what’s going on, Dan. I just wish I had my old job over at Weather back.”
“Oh would you look at that! Number 32 has scored finally! Looks like the Steeler’s are in the lead!”
“I thought that the Packer’s scored earlier this game, didn’t they?”
“I wasn’t really keeping up, I went to the bathroom a little while ago so I have no idea what happened during that time.”
Oh would you look at that, someone’s at the door.
“FUTBALLFUTBALLFUTBALLFUTBALL WHY IS THERE A COMMERICAL”
Damn, Harley. Breathe.
Ah, the pizza’s finally here. Took you long enough.
I feel that if the pizza was delivered by the FIRE DEPARTMENT it would have gotten here faster D:<
“Holy crap, she moved from the spot in front of the door! Now I can’t reach her! Wut the crap pizza lady?! Why do you do this to an old man like me?!”
“I thought the Secksie’s were stupid, but damn…”
“We now moved to the Halftime show! Let’s go over to Janet, who’s now with the entertainment for the show, the Black Eyed Peas!”
“Thanks Rich! I’m here with the astounding Black Eyed Peas, and they will be singing their new hit, “Somethin’ About Clubbin’ in the Future with You Girl and a Robot”!
“Uh, Janet? Are you sure you have the Black Eyed Peas there with you? They kinda don’t look like the band to me.”
“Oh, it is Rich! See? Fergie just joined us with the rest of the band, and are just about to get up on stage!”
“…Nice. Very nice. Good job, uh, Janet. Very good…”
“Hello sweetheart. How’s ur and ur’s sistur’s lil’ party goin’ dear?”
“Not so well dad. I haven’t seen a damn thing all game! Ur stupid sister and her husband have taken up the entire livin’ room!”
“Glad to see ur havin’ such a gud time dear!”
“Seriously? Guys? Don’t we have another clip other than Troy cheering and being confused? No? Wow, we really are a crappy station, aren’t we?”
“Oh we’re back. So Janet! How’s the halftime show going out there?”
“… um, Janet?”
“OH GOD, the Black Eyed Peas ATE Janet!”
“Seriously, Rich, how did you ever get this job?”
“Fergie, I can’t believe it… a cannibal… my poor Janet… all she wanted to do was to become a reporter for me…”
“You talk about Janet like you two were something, huh Rich? What’s going on there, huh? Getting some from the reporters again? Huh? Kissy kissy Rich!”
“SHUT THE HELL UP DAN!”
“Uh, what dad?”
“Dad, did you forget to take your pills again?”
“So, how’s the game goin’, sis? Steelur’s kickin’ ur ass like I told yew they would?”
“I’ll be honest, Jurry. I don’t know, I haven’t seen the game since the tv got turned on. Wut ’bout yew? Where’ve yew been the whole time?”
“I’ve been waitin’ on the pizza I ordered. It’s been two hours, and I haven’t gotten it yet. I’m startin’ to get hungry. Suriously, wut’s taken’ them people so long?”
“Just… uh, just kick the pizza over toward me, if you can. That would be great.”
What is it with you and functioning like a normal human being, Warren?
“Here’s another play from that last pass, Dan. Apparently the Steelers are trying to confuse their opponent with a new tactic that looks like they stole from watching the lightcycles on Tron or something. Number 23 ran into the cheerleaders and killed one of them I think, and 77 has fallen into a portal, no wait, yes, the referee has just confirmed, number 77 has fallen into a portal.”
“Ohmaygawd, this is so AWESOME! They should turn this into a MOVIE!”
“OH GOD MY OVARIES”
“So Guinevere. How ’bout yew get ovur heer and do somethin’ with your parents and ur brother, can yew? I can’t see the game!”
“You know, I’d like to pretend I’m not related to them if I can help it kthx.”
“Hey! We just got confirmed that that last touch down was, in fact, just made by number 43! That’s great! Can we play that last play back one more time for the viewers at home?”
“…What the fuck’s going on out there?”
“WHY AREN’T THE STEELURS IN THE LEAD?!?! I COULD RIP THROUGH A FONEBOOK!! FUUUUUUCKKAGKLSDFBSDSFDJKSDS@#%($*y#@!!!”
“Psst, yo Micah, ur mom took my pills I think.”
“I think this is the last play or something, Rich, the Packer’s got the ball this time, and they are in the lead. I don’t know anymore? Um, did the editing guy let his five year old neice in the building again?”
“Hm, I guess so.
Well folks, I guess that brings us to the end of Superbowl 2011! The Packer’s get to take home the gold this year. Yay Packers. I’m going home.”
“W-wut was that?! The Packur’s really did win?!”
“Eh, I’m just happy Harley finally got the fuck away from the tv.”
“This is wondurful! Really wondurful! That means I won sis! Packur’s win!”
Yay Virginia! This also means you are also heir to the legacy!
“I’m suddenly nawt as excited anymore.”
“I’m gonna go to my rum’ and go to bed early. I’m just… really upset right now.”
“NO NO NO NO! Yew stay heer with me and help me argue with this bitch why the Packur’s didn’t cheat! Yew are stupid, lady! That was a fair and square win fur the Packurs!”
“NO THE HELL IT WASN’T! TROY TRIPPED, EVERYONE SAW THAT SHIT AND UR STUPID AND PACKURS ARE STUPID AND IF YEW KEEP ARGUIN’ WITH ME I’LL SNAP YOUR LIL’ STICK ASS IN HALF FUCK”
“Honey? Come on, let’s go home before you blow out your back again by screaming too much.”
“Thanks for watching with Sports Universe. Seriously. Thanks. Maybe I might get a paycheck now.
Now, if you don’t mind, I got to scrape my girlfriends remains off of the parking lot-”
“WAAAAAH! MY POOR POOR JANET WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?!”
“Damn man, you really are upset about this whole, Black-Eyed-Peas-eating-a-reporter, aren’t you? Do you want to come with your friend Dan and buy hookers? Huh? Would’cha like that, buddy?”
“WUT IS WRONG WITH THAT PIZZA BOX?! WHY AM I HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH IT! ON SATURN, WE JUST HAD THAT SHIT INJECTED INTO OUR VEINS”
So that’s what happened Superbowl Sunday. At least in Sim world. Yep, just like that.