I’ve been updating a lot lately, haven’t I? And two times today! I’m sorry! It’s just been a really really lazy rainy nothing-doing day. The whole week actually. Maybe we will get caught up to where I’m at by Superbowl sunday. Who knows.
“HEY YEW GUYS, SHARK IS HUNGRY SO SHARK’S GONNA HELP TO YALLS FUD OK? OK.”
“We must git rid of him… but how?”
“One word dear uncle… murder. Then we hide the bawdy in the backyard.”
“Yew idiot, he’s already buried in the backyard.”
More birthday spam for Jerry Lee.
“HAHA, my baby’s growin’ up DODGE! The sink’s brokun’ again! FIX IT!”
“Dammit woman, don’t start with me on the sink right now, I’ll git to it wen I git to it!”
Springing a leak too, Jed?
“DON’T LUK AT ME”
It’s fine, I’m used to all of you having pea bladders, especially on the kitchen floor.
“Tell me I’m hawt”
Jerry rolled party animal so I’m glad I put some better songs on the custom music station, because she’ll spend a lot of time dancing to that stupid thing.
Well, all of you know about the Superbowl, right? If you live where I live, you know these people live and breath this sport.
*points to number 69*
So with the biggest event of the year approaching, you know people are getting antsy, right?
“I’m so glad yew decided to come out and play futball wid’ ur old man dear. Heidi won’t ‘cus it’s too ‘burbaric’, and Lawnie’ won’t play ‘cus he thinks pixies live in the ball!
Tell me, wut made you wanna come play futball wid’ me?”
“I wanna be a STEELUR’S playur daddy! I wanna play futbal and join the Steelur’s! The greatest team in the wurld! Daddy! Yew think I can be a Steelur’s playur one day?!”
“Wut the crap, Jerry?! Ur a gurl. Yew can’t play futball like a real man! Pick a realistic dream gurl, like a cheerleadur’r something gurls do!”
“Dad, yew freakin’ suck. Thanks fur all the support YEW give me.”
Meanwhile, while Dodge is beating the crap out of Jerry with the football, for some reason, Lonnie and Amber are fighting in the kitchen.
“How come all we ever eat is ur crappy pancakes and waffles woman! I want real fud, like dat fur’ign stuff I see on tv all the time frum places like China and Fuji!”
“Boy! There is nothin’ wrong with my waffles! Don’t yew dare go ’round insultin’ ur mama’s cookin’ like this! Wut did I tell yew ’bout bein’ rude and annoyin’?!”
“I had to speak my mind! I can’t keep livin’ on this crap and-SHUT THE HELL UP VURGIN’YUH! I’M TRYINA TALK IN HEER!”
“Don’t you DARE yell are ur sister like that, Lawnie’! Yew go to ur room RIGHT NOW!”
“I don’t HAVE a room, I sleep next to the washin’ machine, REMEMBUR?!”
So yeah, they aren’t really fond of each other right now.
Just as I am about a certain blue shadow floating around in the background of everything.
“Shark got the cake! But Shark just can’t figgur out wut to do with it!”
Shark get’s food out of the fridge, stands there and stares at it before he figures out that he can’t go anywhere with it, and puts it down on the floor for me to put back in the fridge.
I don’t think there’s another person on this planet that hates Shark Racket more than I do.
Warren’s still around. Teaching Virginia how to poop and all that fun stuff that makes him useful to me.
“Ok, ERRBODY STAND THE FUCK BACK. I’m makin’ this bitch FIREPROOF”
Really? Banging on it with a hammer is going to keep it from catching on fire? I’m not one to question your methods Dodge…
Oh yeah it’s your birthday too, happy becoming-30-day I guess ._.
“Hey daddy! Wut’s goin’ on out heer?!”
“JERRY! W-wut did I tell yew ’bout personal space! Don’t stand so close to me, gurl! Ur makin’ me feel really uncomfortable right now!”
“Happy birthday daddyWUT THE FUCK’S GOIN’ ON?”
“This is the most awkward thing I’ve ever seen, and I see invisabul’ people!”
“Tell mommy and you DIE, Lawnie’!”
MOVING ON and OH YEAH, the fireproof stove isn’t fireproof.
Don’t ask me how Warren achieved that feat.
“Ugh, my book writing career sucks.”
It really does. The whole time she has been here she has written two books, her non-fiction “Why Elvis is Living in Bora Bora” and her science fiction “Darwin and that Science Theory.” I’m usually done with this LTW by now.
“Yew just hate me.”
No, I’m just distracted by everyone else.
“OH GAWD THIS IS SO GROSS”
It’s probably still your own crap, Lonnie.
“I know and it’s all mixed with the other’s, it’s NOT FAIR!”
“Lawnie’, why doesn’t Heidi ride the bus with us?”
“‘Cuz I’m just too awesum that my personality takes up the whole bus prob’ly.”
“Pfft, yeah right. More like your other personalities to me.”
“On the contraire! I ride my bike to my school every morning and every afternoon!”
To avoid being seen getting on and off the bus in front of the shame you call your house?
“N-no! I go to a special school, one that you cannot reach by local school bus! It’s the Mother Lesla’s School for Girls, and it’s one of the best in the country!”
Hmmm, this special school looks an awful lot like the public school.
“…Just shut up, ok!”
“Hmm, wut can Shark eat today.”
How about nothing.
“Shark can’t eat the cake, the cake is blockin’ my way to eating cake! Jed! Git ur ass ovur hurr and help Shark eat cake!”
“Can’t heer yew dad, over the sound of me EATING. CAKE.”
“Oh Jed, how can yew do this to poor Shark! Yew’ve killed ur old man, Jed! Killed Shark!”
“Just shut up and sleep dad. Damn.”
“‘Bout time someone took care of that screaming runt! I thought I was gonna have to throw a fish bowl at her’r somethin’!”
“Dammit Uncle Jed, wut kinda grammpaw are ya anyway?!”
“Gawd he luks ridiculous. But hah, that losur’s hilarious!”
One thing I can respect of Shark though. About 95% of the time, he doesn’t sleep in the other sims beds, like Lucy did. He’ll either sleep on the kitchen floor or in the backyard.
“I love this song! Great song to wake up to! Then again, I hurd that they’re gonna play it durin’ the Superbowl half time show! That’s why it’s so awesome-”
“WUT THE HELL LAWNIE’ WHERE’D YEW COME FROM?!”
“THE HOLE IN THE CEILIN’ HAAHAHKAFLJGDSAJILOVECAPSLOCK”
It’s been a while since I’ve seen this asshole.
“I know yall paid ur bills and shit, but I’m heer fur ur trampoline anyway!”
I paid the bills. But take the trampoline, sigh, so long as you don’t start this crap over again.
WUT THE FUCK
I TOLD YOU TO CHANGE SONGS, NOT DETONATE
“Too late, can’t turn back now! I already spent twenny’ bucks on these explosives!”
“Ugh, dammit, again?! That’s the second time in a row this stupid stuff’s nawt gone off like it should! And DAMMIT! I can’t get to it now! Wut happened and why can’t I move closer to blow myself up?!”
“Ur nawt alone, boy! This cabinet! I can’t reach the stove! Why is ur hawse’s layout so confusing!”
“Tell me ’bout it!”
*More explosion sounds and the noise of everyone within a two block radius shitting themselves*
“W-wut is this light? Is… is this heaven? Did the exploshun kill me?”
“No, ur still in this hell hawse with Shark.”
“Damn. Well, at least that loud noise wus like music to my ears!”
“Damn, Ambur’s gonna be pissed off that I blew up the computer with her novel drafts innit.”
I think she’d be more pissed about the raging fire taking over the hallway.
“Lalala, doin’ my job, takin’ stuff lalala, wut the fuck’s that burnin’ smell?”
Nothing. Just the house.
“Damn that fire spread fast. That is so awesum!”
“No it’s nawt! Put it out! Get a hose! Whur’s the buckets?!”
Shark! You’re a water ghost! Roll around in the fire, put it out with your body!
Maybe you’ll evaporate in it too.
“Wut the hell’s takin’ you so long puttin’ out this blaze, Dodge? At the rate yew go, people’ll think ur a firefightur!”
“Git off my back dad, I got this!”
“HOLY SHIT FIRE WUT THE FUCK WUR’ YALL DOIN’ IN HEER?!”
The fire was put out, and no one was hurt. Hell, the kids were at school, and Amber was visiting her mother.
Warren was right where I KNEW he was, and I didn’t even have to look. Sigh.
“Wut the hell was that explodin’ sound?! I would have gone to check it out, but the sound alone made me shit myself and now I can’t move!”
“Man, fuck this, I’m outta heer! Yall people are CRAZY!”
“Well, one thing came outta that fire! We chased the Repo man off! Yay! We kept our trampoline! YAY!!”
Yeah well, the victory was short lived. He came back the next day.
“This time I’m makin’ SURE I got this damn thing! I’m gonna do this as quickly as possible befur these crazy bastards blow this lot off the planet’r somethin’!”
“Haha! Wut’r yew?”
“Uh, I’m your niece? Guinevere? Remember, we met at the last birthday party yall threw!”
“HAH! Yew luk funny.”
“You’re not nice.”
Yeah. Guinevere is here because it’s party time again. This was the majority of the party.
“Yew bitches are blockin’ the counter, yall know that right?!”
It’s not just Virginia’s birthday. It’s Lonnie’s too. Damn, childhood is short, isn’t it?
“Check it, I now have no sense of humur!”
Damn, Lonnie’s a clone of his cousin Nick. I was afraid of that. I’m so disappointed, Lonnie.
“And I’m now absent minded!”
Now, let’s see. Jerry is a big Steelers fan, right? So Virginia is…
“WUT THE HELL JERRY! Steelurs?! That team sucks! Packurs are gonna totally kick ur ass Superbowl Sunday!”
“Wut is wrong wid’ yew, yew stupid’r somethin’?! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“The Packur’s are better trained, and are more powerful than ur lil’ Steelurs! It’s nawt even gonna be a far fight!”
“Um, HELLO?! Superbowl winnurs six times! Compared to yall’s THREE? The Packur’s ain’t shit compared to the Steelurs!”
“Sounds fine to me, bitch.”
So much tension you can cut it with a chainsaw. So, what’s going to happen sunday? Will the girls continue to fight over football? Will Shark ever fuck off and go away? What the hell is Lonnie wearing?!
“I found it in the garage LOLOLOLAGJHFIKFSD I luk like a PIRATE”