Four updates four days in a row?! UNHEARD OF!! LAHGRIEFJDFKLGFDNOAJSGFDKL
There’s nothing like a little spamming my reader’s message boxes with more chapters to get in the holiday spirit.
But that’s ok, because you forgive me, and we move on to the legacy in question.
Last time, Harley and Chevy were born, and I really wasn’t in the mood to extend the nursery. Luckily, the same morning that Harley was born, Dodge had his little birthday.
With every birthday, I get closer to my goal of completing my legacy.
Hmm, he kinda looks funny. Like the fact that he still knows he’s wearing a diaper probably.
Dodge rolled Daredevil. Because that’s what I need. A kid that eats dirt and will probably get mercury poisoning before it’s all over with.
He got moved into Berkliegh’s old room, which was redesigned (the kid liked grey. For someone who is an adrenaline junkie, sucks he’s got to like such a boring ass color). It’s kinda weird because it looks a lot like my uncle’s room at his house, just without the collection of liquor bottles and mountain of clothes on the floor (which is only a matter of time, I’m sure.)
“That’s right dear brother. Enjoy ur dreams of death. Cuz it shall be the last peaceful sleep yew’ll ever have. Soon, your dreams will be ur worst nightmare.”
God, that baby creeps me out.
“Nice hooker skirt, cousin Spra’ng.”
“That’s not very nice, Dodge. Just ’cause Adriane is a hooker doesn’t mean we all are.”
“Hey dad. What’cha up to?”
“Workin’ so we don’t starve, boy. Wanna help your old man?”
“See, the trick is to keep ur cork away from ur daddy’s, ok?”
“But where’s the fun in that if we are tryina’ catch the same fish?”
“If yew get your’s tangled with mine, then we don’t catch anythin’ and yew starve tonight.”
Nothing like quality father-son time, no siree.
“Another chest? What’s in this one this time… oh wow! It’s all glowy! Sweet!”
“Hey Sabrina! Check it out! I actually caught sum treasure this time! Hey! Sabrina!”
“Not right now, Jed. I’m having problems of my own at the moment.”
Ants?! And I’m just sitting there! And they’re taking all of my tomatoes!!
“What the hell?! Why is this fishy guy doing mooching off my picnic basket?!”
“Because I got ants mooching off of mine. Stop complaining.”
“Dad, why does this hotdog taste fishy?”
“Cuz, it’s my new fish hotdog! You like it?”
“Hey, anyone got any bug repellant over there? Guys? Guys?!”
“Dodge left ten minutes befur’ I did. I hope he got home ok…”
“Ching ching! Ching ching! Hee hee!”
Two seconds later, Jed ran over Dodge. And in any other game, he would have killed him. And probably robbed him of all his money. Luckily, this isn’t that kind of game.
Well, isn’t that what I need back at the house.
“I thought they got rid of your mean ass, Lucy.”
“I could say the same to you, bitch.”
Now now, play nice.
“Well, hello there. I am ur mother.”
“Yew are nawt, Aunt Mel.”
“But I do say, ur the spicking image of me, ain’t cha?!”
“Congradulations brother on getting married and tapping that hot old Lisette ass.”
“Uh, jeez. Thanks?”
“OH! My wife got me HOOKERS fur my birthday!! OH OH! And one of them is already inside of me!! EEEEEEEE!!!”
“Um, we aren’t hookers for the last time, and we are your COUSINS, cousin Jed.”
Yeah, it’s time for more birthday. THE JOY OF IT ALL *throws confetti*
“”Hey mom, is this what we are supposed to do at a birthday?”
“I didn’t invite you to come with me, Jeramy.”
“And as for you Dominick, just fall off the porch already!”
Dispite his inital disappointment that he didn’t get hookers for his birthday, I did give Jed a cake. Even though he’s only getting to his adult stage.
And it’s not only just one birthday, it’s a triple birthday! TRIPLE THE FUN
And here’s little Harley! Adorable right?
Next up is Melissa. All excited to grow up into the same, boring adult life stage, right?
BETCHA YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING
Yeah, I thought she had a few good years in her as well when I moved her in. Even I forgot she was getting old when I threw the birthday at the time.
“Sparkles? Does this mean I’m growin’ up too?”
“Aw man, why does ever’one come to my yard to die?”
To make it better, Luanne, she was your boss. So much for building up that relationship with her.
“I’M SO TIRED OF COMING TO THIS DAMN HOUSE FOR THESE PEOPLE’S SOULS”
“YES! ‘Nother one has fallen victim to the Birthday Party Poisoner! Muahahaha!”
“What the hell yew talkin’ about over there, Aunt Mel?!”
“Nice to do business with you Melissa. Heh heh heh.”
“Yeah, whatever yew old skeleton. Now begone, I have nothin’ else to do with yew tonight.”
“Ok, I’m surious, what’s goin’ on heer?”
Best you don’t know, Amber.
“OH EM GEE! It’s Jared of the Road Killers! Hey! Hey! Hey, Mr. Jared! I’m your biggest fan!”
“Sigh, I can’t even go and take a dump by myself without all these people botherin’ me.”
“Ew. Ur choice in music annoys Shark.”
“Like any of ur opinions matter, Shark. Now get out of my way befur I kick yew in the face.”
Of course, then Shark went to go nap with Luanne.
I found that oddly sweet, even coming from Shark.
Then the sun came up, and when Luanne awoke, Shark was gone in his little blue mist.
“This house really sucks. I wish we lived in a bigger house, and I don’t know why mama didn’t spring for a mansion. I mean, she knows how to get free real estate! I don’t like her a lot. Sometimes, she makes me sleep on the porch, and it gets cold outside in the swamp. I don’t know why I can’t live with dad instead of her.”
Hey. I’m not THAT bad of a mom ._.
This is actually the first day of work Melissa has done since moving into the Seckie house. What would this be, a ten year maternity leave?
I’m surprised they didn’t have her 8 month pregnant ass out there shooting at criminals during all three of her pregnancies! THAT, right there ladies and gentlemen, is the American way!
Dodge rolled a want to get a skill in handiness. So inventing it is!
I’ve been wanting an inventor since Leroy died, damn it! I will get one!
And Dodge has the eccentric trait, I think I have more hope for him than I did with Leroy and Buck.
“COUGH COUGH! Oh SHIT! FIRE!”
Ok then, maybe not.
“Holy crap I’m on fire! THIS IS AWESUM! ADRENALINE RUSH!”
WHAT THE FU
CHO, IT IS 8 IN THE MORNING, GET YOUR ASS BACK TO YOUR GRAVE NEXT TO THE TRASH CAN OR I’M SHIPPING YOUR ASS OFF TO THE GRAVEYARD
Oh wow, time flies doesn’t it? Wasn’t Dodge just a toddler at the beginning of this chapter?
Can you tell how excited his parents are in the background? I totally feel their joy for another birthday.
“WTF I’M ALL DEFORMED
THIS IS SO FUCKIN’ AWESUM”
And I will end here on a cliffhanger, because I am that tool. Merry Christmas anyways!