River Trip

OMFG YOU GUYS

FABLE III

*three hours later*

I have re-returned from Fable I HAVE A MINI ADDICTION

Maybe I should do some school work now… but here’s some sims instead.

Where are we now?  Ok, since the last time I have updated, Ellie Mae grew up, Lucy finally died, and I decided that Jared was going to end up being the old uncle that lives with his parents playing guitar in the basement, living in the smallest bedroom/closet in the back and possibly fathering several kids from random hookups with strippers and town bicycles.

He might even smell a bit like pot, who knows.

Meanwhile, Shark finally noticed that he has a family, and excitedly told his mother about how she was a grandmother finally, and Lolly was the hated Auntie Lol.

“So yeah mama, that kid that Shark sumtimes sees ’round the house he lives in?  Shark was told that it was Shark’s kid, and Shark can kinda tell that she looks sumthing like a Racket!”

“That… that’s my granddaughter?!  You actually bred with that woman-man thing from the Seckies?  I… I don’t know what to say Shark.  I want to be happy that I’m a grandmother, but… well, Emme Rae or whatever her name is… well… um… why didn’t we just wait until Lolly had kids?!”

Sinbad finally got to the top of the criminal career!  You would think he would be more excited about finishing his lifetime wish, but…

“I’m  a SUPER VILLAIN.  I wanted to be a MASTER THIEF!  What the hell is wrong with you!?”

So yeah, I picked the wrong career path and he didn’t get his lifetime wish after all.  My bad.  But in hindsight, leading an army of evil sounds funner than stealing stuff anyway.  He should get his wish for just reaching the top D:<

Well, Goodwin is back, and he’s getting into the women guests without their consent again, so that can only mean that a party is going on.  Excited?

I’m not.

“Shark doesn’t want to get old!  Shark wasn’t young fur very long! Shark is being ripped off!”

No, you have been at the bar almost everyday since you have moved into the house.  I think booze is a fair trade for youth.  At least that’s the idea in my family.

“Shark’s new sweater sucks.”

That I agree with.

Now we move onto someone more important than Shark, because it’s also Jed’s birthday!

“Does Shark really have to help this kid grow up?!  Shark needs to get to the bar right now and drown Shark’s sorrows in shots.”

Not bad, I see a lot of Shark coming through too.

Since Lucy died before she could finish teaching him to crap in a toilet, his trait was picked randomly, and I can’t remember for the life of me what it was.

But for his birthday, I got him his own bedroom, for him AND his sister!  The second floor is finished, and it’s composed of their own bathroom, and separate bedrooms!  Can you guess which room goes to which child?  Of course you can!  They are color coordinated!  The pink one goes to JED.

Yes, Ellie’s favorite color is green.  And Jed just has to be hot pink, like his mother.  I bet Leroy would be just pleased with this, looking down from heaven from the kitchen.

Ok, so lately, all I’ve been hearing is this bawwing about how Lucy is dead.  She was a crotchity old woman that was out to get Amy and steal Sinbad and Leroy for herself and kept going on about how children were stupid and ran around in her bathing suit half of the time.  Yet everyone thought that two days was good to grieve and blame misery for not wanting to do anything.

So with that, I decided that the Seckies needed something to take their mind off of things.

A vacation to the beach was a great idea.

Too bad, this isn’t Sunset.  A vacation to the river is just as good I guess.  And look at them, all over excited for something they could see from their back yard.  Nothing is more excitable than a trip to a muddy river full of gars and snapping turtles.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAW”

“OH LUCY WOULD LOVE TO BE HERE TODAY”

“I MISS HER SO MUCH AND I MISS HOW SHE USED TO BEAT ME WITH MY OWN CROCS”

Come on people, she wasn’t even part of the legacy bloodline!

“Wut’s WRONG wid’ you Jed?!  Why ain’t YOU grievin’ the loss of our beloved nanny?!  Did you not love her or sumthing?!  HUH?!”

“WHOA!  Calm down sis, I didn’t even know her as well as yall guys did!”

“Just settle down.  No need to get upset Ellie.  We are heer to enjoy tha river, and take a break, so don’t worry about that kinda stuff today.”

“I MISS LUCY SO MUCH!!”

“YOU AREN’T HELPING UNCLE JARED!”

“Whoa, what’s wrong with that gurl’s hair?  Did she escape from a mental institution er sumething?!”

Actually, I like to think that Melissa did escape from some asylum or something.  She always looks fried and brings out my innermost concern.

Then again so does Amy.

“It’s an umbrella, but, it’s not rainin!”

Yes, because it’s for resting on the beach!  Then again, I’ve never seen someone bring a beach umbrella to a river trip.

Jed found serenity in fishing.  Of course he had to put his clothes back on to do that, which is strange considering that no man in this family puts on pants when it comes to outdoors activities.

“Can you donate a quarter to a starvin’ artist, ma’am?  Every cent you give to me goes to fixing my graphics and bringin’ all my pixels back!”

“How ’bout you get a real job.”

“Holy hot dogs Sinbad, these hot dogs are holy!”

“Then don’t feed them to me.”

“But they are so angelic!  The light heer reflects so beautifly on their sweaty burning skin!  Shark has the magic touch!”

“Sigh…”

“Ooh a football!  I haven’t seen one of these since Tay stole Leroy’s out of the yard.  So Luanne, how about a quick game?”

“I’m gonna warn you though!  I’m totally AWESOME!  I was on the Powderpuffs for three years in a row, so you BETTER be able to keep up if you are MY dawghter!”

“Oh a Powderpuff, huh?  So scared.  I know how to play with girls like you then…”

“Ooh yay, so much fun…”

“No!  EEEEK!  Look out, I’m fragile!”

“Ow, my old bony wrist!”

“What are you doing?!  You throw to hard!  I don’t want to play anymore, you meanie!”

Back downhill:

“So I like to think that death is like this beach.  There’s nothin’ to do on it but watch the other people run around and get chased by Chuckie the local alligator and cut themselves on old beer cans.”

“No way Ellie, death is more like a game of life.  Everything’s kinda slow and just when ur kickin’ the bucket, life crashes on you.”

“That’s enough talking about death kids, come and eat your magical hot dogs your father probably cooked wrong in the first place.”

“Oh, I do miss Lucy.  She would have loved to stayed home and washed our clothes while we were out doing stuff like this.”

“Shark wonders if she is looking down from Heaven right now, wishin’ she could be here with us.”

“More like looking up from a firey pit cursing our names and reserving my seat.”

“You know what would be better than Lucy’s death?  A death of a person from a rich family, who’s life insurance could really pull us out of our hole of a house.”

“Shark isn’t following what you are sayin Sinba-”

“RAAAAWWRJAGKOFJDFDIE!!”
“See dear, this is why Lucy is reserving that seat for you.”

“Your husband is a real jerk, Amy.”

“Yeah.  Hey, do you smell that smell, Shark?  Smells like old fish.”

“Shark doesn’t think it’s fish, Amy.”

The afternoon at the beach involved some dancing to Jared’s guitar, which he’s been playing for at least four hours now.  No tips.

“Isn’t this so much fun, Sinbad?”

“You know what would be funner, you getting on a treadmill sometimes Luanne.  I think you are starting to flop around a little too much!”

“Don’t make fun of my mama, grandpaw!”

“And you too Tubby, those strips aren’t making you look any slimmer!”

“LUCY WOULD HAVE LOVED TO DANCE ON THE BEACH WITH US!”

“Oh fur pete’s sake Sis!”

“Let’s not talk about death right now Ellie, Shark is tryinna bust a move here!”

“What are you talkin’ about Shark, death is TOTALLY ok to talk about anytime we feel like it, we are in grieving!  Death is horrible and sad!”

The following hour, however, they were finally over Lucy.

THANK GOD

And to end the fairly successful day, Sinbad and Amy shared a romantic nighttime kiss on the beach.  Everyone was happy for once.

The following day, everyone was pretty content about their lives again.  Amy went back to working on her skills as a painter, and she started teaching Jared the ways of the paintbrush, because after all, once she’s gone, someone’s got to take over as portrait painter.

Jed still took up fishing, dispite that not being his trait, and is the first person in the legacy to even notice the swampy pond I put in the backyard.  He then took up his own outdoor event to partake in his underwear, just like everyone before him.

Life was fairly normal again.

During Luanne’s work, one of the Baker guys, probably so overcome with the fact that his healthcare is being tampered with by the local democrats at City Hall, that he had a heart attack right on the steps and died with his brother present, Jenni, Florence, Old Chick and Maniac Melissa.

“Oh my dear little brother Newton!  I told you to take better care of yourself and stop spending so much time with the local hookers!  Now you are dead!  I can’t believe he’s gone now!”

“Oh stop crying, he didn’t even leave you with anything in his will, not even important possessions like gems!”

“OH BAAAW!! NEWTON!”

Ok, so the death of what’s his face isn’t really that important.  But it reminds me of another dead sim that causes much grief and misery.  One that we all know so well.

Ladies and gents, welcome to Leroy’s Haunting Hour, where we watch as he goes around the house and haunts random objects.  Because Leroy can’t haunt just any old television or toaster, oh NO, he has to be COMPLICATED.

“BWAHAHA!  Behold, my decendant’!  As I possess ur rotten MASHED POTATURS!  Tremble in terrur!  TREMBLE in it!”

“Not right now grandpaw, I really got to finish mah homework, and ur givin’ me a headache.”

Here he is, possessing a bed, while some one is already sleeping in it.

“WOOOOoooOOOO, Ammmyyyy, I’m tha ghost of ur deceased husband….”

“Zzz, mhm, no, NOT THE TOILET!”

“Dammit Amy, if ur not gonna pay attention to me, EAT MY ASS.”

“Sniff, sniff, ew, what smells like butt in here now… GRANDPAW!!”

“Hee hee hee…”

“OOOOOO, Tomato Can Gnome, I’mma haunted DESK… feeeear meeee….”

“I’VE SAID IT ONCE, AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN, I HATE YOU.” /fable gnome quote

Yes, as you can tell, the invention gnome still hasn’t moved around since the house got redesigned, and he’s been walking off the edge of the desk for several weeks now.  And as for the other one, I haven’t seen him in a while now.  I’m guessing Amy threw him in the river or shot him in the face (/more fable).

“I am the haunted duck, ooooooooooo, tremble and fear my wrath!!”

Sigh, well, as long as he’s entertained.

“I love swimming!  There’s nothing like a little cemetary dip in a durty pond on a cold afternoon!”

“I know, there’s nothing like fishing with a rusty hook in a durty cemetary pond while your sister is swimming five feet away!”

“Did… did you just get out of the pool with your formal outfit on?”

“Don’t judge me.”

“I’M MAKING A BREAK FOR IT!  BACK ME UP!  IF YOU SEE SOMEONE, SHOOT THEM!”

What?!  What’s going on-

Oh, of course.

“SINBAD ROTTER SECKSIE COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, WE HAVE READ YOUR MIND AND HAVE COME TO PUT YOU AWAY IN JAIL”

“Ok, ok, I give up, there is no way I can beat the Psychic Police.”

“At least you let me sit in the front seat.”

“For a criminal like you?  Of course, to keep a better eye on a villian like you, so you don’t do something I can’t see in the back!”

“Can I play with the siren?”

“Of course!”

“YAY!”

And we end the chapter with Luanne and Shark about to consummate under a picture frame that was just stolen by Sinbad from work just prior to his arrest.  After all, they both had wants for another child locked in their wishes.  Shark wants another son and Luanne wants a girl.

So we shall see next time who gets what they want.  Will Luanne get her daughter, or will Shark get another boy?  Will he even pay attention to the children he has?  Will Jared do something with his life besides play guitar?  Will I ever get off Fable long enough to write that philosophy paper that I was supposed to have written already?  Will I get off the Sims long enough to write that philosophy paper?!  Who the hell knows!!