The School Crowd

Alright, we are back!  That wasn’t two long I suppose.  I do apologize for the absence, but that computer was about to die anyway.  New Computer, whom I named Sir Kickass McFriendship Von Happy Rainbows the II (name subject to change) is a GLORIOUS machine considering my budget.  I’ve been dancing all morning.

But then I slipped on the floor, so let’s just do some Secksies.

This chapter starts with where I left off before backing up, and then will switch to Sir Kickass’s game.  Surprisingly only a couple of days were lost since I backed up, so I don’t have a lot of photos wasted.

“Ok, yew stupid scannur.  I understand that ur readin’ a ghost’s presence right on top of ya.  That’s ME.  Wat OTHER ghost is in the room, dammit?!”

“Well, wuteva’ yew find, git rid of it!  I don’t know why I’m the one with all the ghost problems all the time!”

“WAAH!  My ‘Flintstones’! That’s COLD, man!”

“Hee hee.  My kid has pink hair.”

Wait a minute, they do!  That’s weird, neither parent has pink hair and this doesn’t have my hand in it at all.

“Mommy says it’s the ghost curse from all the spooks that follow her from house to house.”

Well if that isn’t the strangest case of genetic mutation I’ve ever seen.

“Papa, should we cawl’ Unca’ Bear out heer n take’a look at this?”

“Nah, it’s just lag dear.  Ma’ur fact, I think that floatin’ guitar’s been there since yesterday.  Talk ’bout sum renderin’ difficulties.”

“I SWEAR if this is who I think’s callin’ me…”

“TAL.  Stop callin’ ME!!”

I kinda feel bad for Tal sometimes.  He doesn’t have friends.

KIP! How’s the coolest little old people’s kid been doing!

“Fine.”

You look great.

“But I’m not pretty enough for heir spouse, right?”

Nope.

“Good. Laters.”

At least Kip’s not his foster brother.

UGH

Poor Charles.  I think he’s the one that was adopted.  You know.  From a zoo.

“Hey girl, can you like, sport me a few dollars or something?  You know, for things.  I’m NOT GOING TO USE IT FOR DRUGS OR ANYTHING IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE THINKING.”

“O___o”

“Ya know, I’m startin’ to side wid Dolly on this whole ‘flunkin school’ thing.  This is bullshit.”

“I know.  We jus’ spent the whole time since 9 this mawnin’ standin’ on this sidewalk.  It’s five p.m.”

I can think of a couple of reasons why that happened.

Because GOOD GOD

“Haha, I don’t go to school anymore, but I wanted to come watch all dem losers try to get ahead in life ‘n get gud jobs like that o’er there.  Ain’t they stupid ‘r wut?!”

And here’s where I backed up and Kickass comes in.

Of course, not quick enough to save Tater from pissing himself for the probable 8th time that day.

“Or ground me fur skippin’.”

Exactly.

“Welp, I have all my needs completely taken care of, I went to work, I finished work in two hours, I came back, fixed all the broken things, cleaned all the crap, ‘n now I’m gonna clean an already clean counter ‘cuz I ain’t gawt nothin’ else in need of doin’ right now.”

No Secksie house in the history of this legacy had ever been this clean.

Without all the lag and shit, things were getting done.

“Wow, I never knew how much fun it is to spend time wid’ yall horses!  Seein’ as it no longer takes me two hours to get off the porch and interact wid’em!  I’m havin’ such a great mawnin’!  I might even go to school today!”

And she DID.

I about cried.

It was so beautiful.

Ken finally started back on his LTW, became BFFs with Lynyrd, and witnessed Fat Mortimer divorce Ronda in front of their son Harry all in one afternoon.

It was the best day ever.

“It IS the best day ever!  I gawt to ground TWO of the kids in less than a few minutes! Nawt even a phone call from Tal can ruin this moment!”

Now that they are doing things in a tenth of the time it used to take, more of their traits can come out.

See, I completely forgot Sugar was a couch potato.

Now that she has everything taken care of, she can do completely nothing in her free time, instead of doing nothing when she has everything she needs to do.

I need to throw a real life party or something.

Lynyrd and Ken tried to race again, and this time ACTUALLY raced. They won second place.

Then Lynyrd had his birthday.

“I are a T-Rex! “

Poor Cleatus.  He did what he did in life during his first trip back.

Nothing but sleep.

“Must find bride…. zzz… rub Tal’s fat nose in it… zzz… get ice cream zzzz…”

Bear is doing great in his job I might add.  Since he stopped releasing ghosts to gain their acceptance, he’s got a nice little collection going on.  I might see how many he can get before he reaches his LTW.

“Oh dear.  Look who showed up at our doorstep in the middle of the night O___o”

“Oh I was just visiting… seeing as I called Bear earlier to make me some hotdogs, and I just followed him home, seeing of he wanted to hang out… maybe let me live with you guys and leave that loser Tal PLEASE D:”

Holy crap, she made the most depressed looking faces while standing on the front porch.  It can’t be that bad married to a carrot clown :I

Ah, I knew the first day of school was too good to be true.  The crowd is back.

Dolly: “‘N Now I remembur the reason I left in the first place.  SIGH.”

CT: “Are you kiddin’?  This is the reason I CAME to school today “

Says the girl who came to school in her skimpy bathing suit…

DALE!  I haven’t seen you in a long time.  I thought I got rid of his tombstone or something, but I guess not.  I should check to see where I put it or something.

“Have you checked the driveway under the van?  Thinkin’ that might be a gud place to find it, yew bitch.”

(LOL it’s not under the van.  I don’t know where it is ._.)

“Ah well, I guess it’s time yew should get back under that van, Grampy.  It’s my TV watchin’ time, seven in the mawnin’.”

Eventually Dale left.  But not before I was starting to think I was going to have to reset his ass.

And the crowd is still here.  I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these kids hadn’t moved from yesterday.  Also note CT is wearing her bathing suit again.  I don’t know what to make of that.

“Well SCREW THIS.  I quit the first time ‘n I’m quittin’ again.  It’s my birthday this afternoon ‘n I sho’ as hell ain’t wastin’ it on the school’s doorstep.  Later suckers!”

And she went and danced at the beach.  And it was the most beautiful beach I have seen in a long time.

I almost let her grow up on the beach, then remembered I let Tater throw her a birthday party and didn’t really want to waste a good party.

“I wish fur heirship!”

You already got that.

“Then I wish fur a sexy boyfriend!  The sexiest boyfriend in the world!”

“But… I’m right here.”

HAH.  Sheldon grew up looking just as angry and crazy as his father.

“‘N in the spirit of my ancesturs, I grew up wid a trait that many Secksie’s have shared over the years.  A hatred fur the outdoors.  That is a redneck Secksie trait… right?”

Oh dear.

“WOW, she’s so cute I can barely contain my FACE”

You can say that again, Sheldon.  Please.  Do something about your face.

Dolly got her a job as a scientist (as her LTW is to be a Robot-Hippie crossbreeder, whatever the hell that LTW is called) and seeing as she flunked out of school, I’m sure she’s 100% qualified for the job.  Then she went and took a class in handiness skill.

Dan, is this all you do or something?  Stand in front of city hall?

“Yep.  Helps me escape the orphans.”

Ok then…

Alright, Dolly!  You have nothing better to do.  Time to go hunt down your baby daddy!

“Bitch please.  As gud lookin’ as I is, the men’ll flock to me.”

If only sims had that kind of conscience.  But they don’t.  I gave this town one whole generation to breed a good looking sim, and now it’s time to see if this town will disappoint me, or if I was right to have faith in the residents…

“But first, my graduation.”

Um, how?  You failed school, Dolly!  Why are you graduating?!

“I’m gettin’ my G.E.D. of course!”

“See?  Here it is, deposited righ’ outta Nascar’s ass.  Top notch scientist career, here I come!”

Some how I’m not surprised that she pulled her education out of the butt of a robot.

“Hey.  Uh, you wouldn’t have ten bucks I can bum, do you?”

Oh no.  This isn’t how I wanted to start my little manhunt.

AND YET, Dolly threw some wants for him.

“I wus halfway out the door when I realized that I think enuff of yew to ask fur ur sign.”

“Baby, my sign is whatever will get you in my bed “

“I’m going to stand in the corner over here and pretend I’m not related to him.  Oh wait, I’m not.”

“Well, if you really do like me, are you sure you don’t have a few bucks I could have?  I promise it won’t go to drugs, honestly!”

“Oh wow.  Yew sure picked a winnur’ Dolly.”

“Oh Lady, you shouldn’t have!  Really!   I already have a girlfriend you know!”

“Wut gurlfriend?”

“You’re right, I don’t have a girlfriend!”

Well, soon to be no girlfriend anyway…

And of course, on the other side of the room, I only look away for four seconds and Dolly’s trying to get down Charles’ pants.

“But I don’t think yew luk as rediculous as that Tal guy-”

“You’ve said enough lady, you don’t compare me to a clown like that and get any from me.  Good day to you!”

And Dolly was forced to leave by me before she could say anything else.

“Hi Jeramy!  I wus jus’ in the neighburhood, ‘n I know that yew had one of the town’s most purdiest girls have ur baby… ‘N I wus jus’ wondrin’ wut the kid was like?  Does he luk like his mama mostly, hopefully?”

“You know, come to think of it, I haven’t seen him in a while.  The kid never came home last night, and hasn’t been around all that much lately.  Last I heard he and his friend Charles were going to go “shooting rocks” or whatever they said they were shooting.  Which was weird, because he didn’t even take his shotgun…”

Actually I don’t even think the kid lived there.  I don’t know where he is ._.

I humbly think that the most handsome sim in town is Mack.

Even if he can’t keep a girlfriend for more than three weeks, went to high school with Dolly’s father, and is currently married to the orcish Dovahkiin.

“Super teen extraordinaire, FREAKAZOID!  FREAKAZOID!
Runs around in underwear, FREAKAZOID! FREAKAZOID!”

“Please ignore the rants of my third wife.  She’s lost her mind.”

“Oh I jus’ love wut yew did to ur hair, gurl!  Wat’chu use to color it?!  Acryilic?  House paint?! Come on now, wut’s ur secret?”

“Ooh?  OOH OOH!  OOH OOH EEE EEE OOH!”

 ”:O Ur scarin’ me!  Stop it, all I wanted to know wus where ur hair color came from, damn!”

Ok, so Gracie’s pink haired girl didn’t come out all that cute, did she…

Meanwhile, Dolly beats the stuffing out of Tal and Rochelle’s oldest kid with a pillow.

“Hey look!  A penny!”

“Oh hey!  This self-tattoo machine isn’t all that bad at all!  So glad I came by this salon today!”

Oh… OH NO.  My poor Dolly!  I ruined her! ;_;

“Nawt ruined, I like this!  This is kinda cute!  I’ll jus’ tell my papa that I gottem’ off the back of a pickup truck at a Kid Rock concert.”

Bella getting old.

“WHY do birthdays HURT SO GOOD”

D:

“I gotta message that a child I ain’t ever heard of had a birthday party here?  I followed his thumbnail to this lil’ house ‘n… is it yew?”

It was either this kid or his face clone brother.  I forget.  Either way, it scares me more knowing that Facebook bred.

Dolly was about to turn around and walk out and not even mess with these Riffins, when all of a sudden I see another pink haired kid.  On the family tree, he’s cousins with Gracie’s kids on the Riffin side, so I concluded that the hair had to come from a grandparent or something.

I’m right!  I’m damn right.  I guess Gracie and her daughter were kind of right when they said it was a ghost’s curse.

“Aw, well ain’t yew jus’ a lil’ cutie pie compared to all these… unfortunates.”

“Why yes I am aware that I’m a lil’ diamond in the rough ain’t I, hee hee.  Ah yes.  Ignore my dad standin’ here.  Sometimes he gets lost.  It’s kinda pathetic.”

“I knew I should have just left you at your mother’s house, boy >:\”

And that’s where I leave off for this chapter!  It’s nice to be back.  Of course I’ve been expecting something to break all day, because that’s just me.

Anyway, we will wrap up this chapter with some simself thingies.

Huh.  That will make this Thor’s fourth simself woman.  He’s racking up quite the collection.

Of coures, Kanoa Parrott is starting his own as well, I think Cait is either his second or third.  As sleazy it sounds, I hope Thor can keep more women than Kanoa.  Losing to Kanoa… well that would just suck.

And lastly, Sacha takes Ronda’s washed up divorcee.

Fail and Hiatus Stuff

It’s been about a month and a half since I’ve posted anything, and that hiatus might be a while longer, guys.  You see, well… my computer

Um

Died

As in, computer failure and up and DIED died. None of this bullshit, “oh I don’t want to work with my charger today” or “I want to randomly delete things” shit.  It’s shot.  So yeah.  Tenth generation, almost finished with this thing, and my computer decides now to give out a final hurrah.  I swear, the universe gets off to my misery.  Good thing I back up frequently, right?

So I don’t know how long this will go on, or when I’ll get a new computer, how I’m even going to get the money for it, on top of family issues and exams and other obstacles et cetera, but we will rise from this ash pit of Failure as a beautiful phoenix of Perseverance and Determination.  Probably crash that phoenix right into the windshield of More Obstacles, but we’ll see.

Hm.  I feel like I should leave at least something good in this post…

Have a picture of Bear with a fixed lip.

I’ll be around and junk, just do what I’ll be doing and read other legacies and/or homework.  Or not homework, I don’t judge.

The Hobby of Grounding Kids

It’s almost that time of the year again!  It’s getting warmer (it’s always been kind of warm…) flowers are blooming, the birds are crapping on my car again, people are scared of the trees sperming all over the place, yep, sounds like spring.

Sacha joins the simself count in my game as well.

“:D”

She will be bunking with Dan, and help take care of Sarah babies.  Or she will stand around and ignore them like I’m sure Dan does.  We’ll see.

“Guys?!  GUYS?!  GUYS!! HEY! HEY! HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY!!  There’s… there’s a BIKE!  A BIKE in the YARD, GUYS!! HEY!  BARKBARKBARKBARK”

Yes.  Cletus.  That damn bike has been there for a LONG time.  No need to alert the family about it at 2 in the morning. You are worse than my own dog.

Bike: “Hi”

“PAPA I DI’N'T WANNA SAY ANYTHING BUT DOLLY ‘N CT RAN AWAY ‘N I TRIED TO STOP ‘EM BUT I REALLY HAD TO PEE INSTEAD SO THEY’RE GONE”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *bloody murder end of the world why Jesus scream*”

“Hon, wut’ the sink do this time to ya?!”

“No daddy, I just told papa that Dolly and CT ran away ‘n he’s takin’ it really hard.  Like,  really really hard.  This is his third scream in front of the sink so far ._.”

MEANVILE on the other side of, uh, two blocks from the house:

“Is this where I sign up to join ya’ll to become a vagrant run away?”

“Luk boy, we ain’t gangin’ up in a group, go find ur own big sister to run away with!”

And what’s his face was so upset by his rejection that he ran over Dolly and went home.

“Sissy, I’m hungry!  Wut’re we gonna do ’bout fud?!”

“Don’t worry ’bout that CT.  I stocked up on some of Grammpaw Pat’s tomatoes and that should last us for a lil while.  And I know this kid who’s grandmaw’s cousin own’s a restaurant.  We talk to ‘em and we might be able to work for some scraps…”

“Screw that, Dolly, I ain’t eatin’ crap like that!  I wanna real dinner!  I don’t wanna play this game anymore, I’m gonna go home!”

“FINE, go, I didn’t want yew out heer wid’ me in the first place!  I’ll live on my own like I wanted to, go home and cry to daddy ‘n papa!”

“Yo papa, wut we havin’ fur dinner tonight?”

“Cake, as we always have every night dear.  Where’d you and your sister go?”

“Oh, we ran away but I got bored.  She’s still hangin’ out by the old bus stop I think, tryina’ make a fort outta an old tarp ‘n cement blocks.”

“Thanks for telling me, sweetie.  You did the right thing, telling me.  I better go pick her up.”

Too late, cops are already onto her.

“How’d yall keep findin’ out where we are so fast?!”

“Well, there are these microchips we put in babies by the time they are born-”

“Wut”

“I MEAN, your dad Tater called and we’ve just been looking >_>”

“UR DADS ARE SO MAD THAT I’M THE ONE THAT HAS TO PUNISH YEW ‘N UR GROUNDED AGAIN”

“Jus’ tell CT that I’m pissed off at her fur rattin’ me out ‘n I’m gonna lock her in a cab’net fur this”

“NO PAPA, DOLLY’S GONNA HURT ME FUR THIS”

Ok, will everyone stop screaming at Ken for a minute?

Are we really taking cues from the Derps now or something?

I guess we are.

“I JUS’ WANNA BE INVOLVED AHHH”

“AHH I AM KEN”

“AHH DADDY IS SCARING ME WID ALL HIS SCREAMIN’ SO I WILL CONTINUE TO SCREAM AHH”

“Ok yew guys, papa ISN’T that big of a deal.  Would yall all stop actin’ so retarded?!”

“DOLLY!  Ur papa is TOO a big deal!  I should ground yew AGAIN for that”

NO

Ah, today is the girl’s birthday.  But LADY, you are supposed to piss yourself AFTER the caking, not before!  THAT’S the tradition, stop screwing it up!

“Wut’re yew wishin’ fur fur ur birthday, CT?  I’m gonna wish fur a dirtbike!”

“I wanna pair of grapefruits!  I love grapefruits!  They are so much kinder to me than those mean old oranges!”

“Hey luk’a heer!  I DID get a pair of grapefruits!  This is the best damn birthday EVER!”

“Wut?!  Does this mean I’m ALSO gonna grow boobs?!  I don’t WANNA though!  I like bein’ a lil tomboy though!  Yew can’t make me hit puberty like that!!”

*Grows up so desperate to remain boyish that she holds on to the same hair that’s obviously too small for her head now*

“HAHA!”

“But daddy, why ya gotta make me wear this old stinky thing?!”

“Because until ur hair grows back, yew ain’t goin’ inna’ public wid’ no chop job goin’ on!  Be proud, this hat’s been passed down fur generations frum ur great ancestors.  Well maybe nawt great.  Anyway.  Yew ain’t allowed near me ‘n ur papa’s razors anymore though, ya hear me?!”

“HUMPH, fine.”

Eventually I got really sick and tired of everyone going “AHH IT’S KEN WHY” so I sent Tater and the girls out for some father-daughter time on the far side of town, as far away from Ken as I could possibly get them.

“Behold girls.  The great outdoors.  So far away from ur papa, away from anyone, so now we can’t even know what Ken’s doin’, where he is, why he’s upset”

“OH KEN, WUT’RE YEW DOIN’ RIGHT NOW, I MUST KNOW”

“AHH, I MUST SCREAM FOUR TIMES BEFORE I PEE IN THE TOILET BECAUSE I’M KEN AHHH”

That’s it, I’m moving you out to the clipboard for a five minute time out.

Back at the pond with Tater and the girls:

“HELP!  SOMEONE HELP! I have a smaller fish stuck in my cloaca!  I haven’t been able to poop for days!!”

Um…

“LADY.”

“Um, Dolly.”

“I sense hostility between my oldest two.  I’d do something ’bout this, but Ken’s better at nago’sheatshuns than I am… sigh, oh my poor Ken…”

“Why does this hat make me think I wanna go fishin’ so much?! ._.”

“Welp, those two’ve been starein’ each other down fur an hour now.  They’re prolly gonna throwdown in a lil’ bit, so I’m jus’ gonna go over heer ‘n do some homework wid’ yew CT.”

Apparently homework solves all problems, because that’s all they did homework here.  Even Dolly eventually did her homework, and she doesn’t go to school anymore.

Back at this house again?

“Ok, scannin’ fur ghosts… are there any ghosts in this house right now?”

“Wut?!  Well, BESIDES ME, you piece of shit scanner…”

AAGH I was not expecting her to pop up.

*After a more primative wardrobe change*

“See this heer, ma’am?  This is the do hicky I’m gonna use to kill ya!”

“Well that sounds delightful young man!  You are a credit to society!”

I really don’t think there’s not a sim out there that doesn’t like banshee banishers.  Nobody likes ghosts, not even ghosts.

Hannah: “LOL hi”

“WEEE”

“My own kind are morons.”

The second ghost in the house was less enthusiastic about Bear than Baroness McGhostard was.

“Angry cave woman no like mean blue man!  Cave woman know why blue man here!  Cave woman no go into gun of blue man!  Blue man is asshole, blue man will be forever alone if he keeps being sellout to the fleshy ones!”

“Sob, I know I will be forever alone, do you have to rub it in, lady?!”

“Haha, cave woman know just how to press lonely blue man’s buttons “

Holy crap, you horses.  Do we REALLY need this many horse gnomes?!

Awww Ok, maybe we do.

But I really wish they’d stop spawning back on the porch and STAYING on the porch.  My sims have to, you know, WALK there.

“Yall have fun today in school Sugar?!  Enjoyin’ edjacation so yall can grow up ‘n be successes?!  HAH, I hung out in the neighbor’s yard all day “

“Screw yew Dolly D:<”

Dolly did get yelled at again by Bear though.  It’s a routine now.

Sugar, CT, and Lady just stood in front of the school all day.  Technically they didn’t go to school either.

“Be free, my own kind!  See, I’m not as much of a sell out as you think I am!  I care!  I love my own people!  Vote 2012!”

Actually I was trying to release Baroness McGhostard, because I felt sorry for her, but I forgot what her real name was, so Bear released an “Ami” chick instead.

Why look!  While on one of the horses many trips to the horsie hangout lot place, Rochelle finally made her first appearance since she married Tal!

“I managed to pick the lock from my house and escape borrowed the keys from my husband and have a day out of the house!  It’s so nice here!  Look little Garret!  Isn’t this a pretty horse?  Wanna pet the pretty horsie, Garret?  Hello Mr. Horsie, can I please come home with you?”

“UM…”

Hannah also decided to hang out at the horse place, talking to Lonnie via chat.

“I’m trying to refriend him because he’s still pissy since I moved out to live with my boyfriend Kanoa and I took the kitchen appliances with me.  They are MY appliances!  I’m SORRY he had a relationship with my toaster, but dammit man, get your own!”

Not sure how your typing all that well with a candle on your keyboard, but I’m sure you know what you are doing…

New simself Sacha is now dating Grady.

I think he’s finally done fighting his brother for rights on who gets to bang their cousin Shanon, and that’s good enough for me.

Behold.  Lynyrd’s only human friend on the lot.

“I luv horses.”

It was about this time  I have having a couple of the girls learn how to drive, when all of a sudden:

“Somethin’ more important is comin’ up Unca’ Bear!”

“Like wut?”

Like Cletus dying D:

“Well, I think I had a prudy decent life, don’t ya think?”

If you mean, spending half of your life complaining about the lack of attention and sleep you get despite sleeping all the time and talking to Nascar and Lynard all the time, then yes, you had a great life.

“Holy crap, so THAT’S where my dining room chair went.”

REALLY, Bear?  This is a really inappropriate time for your phone to be ringing.

“I swear, if it’s Tal again about him having a wife, I’m going to go castrate him.”

UGH, it was.

“Aw, you are a sweet doggie, I’m going to enjoy adding you to my collection!”

“Be careful Death.  Ole’ Cletus’ a humper.”

“I’m gonna miss that ole’ mutt.  But at least we’ll finally be able to keep the crotch area on our panties for more than a week…”

“NOOO!  Don’t take that Death!  I was eventually going to eat that “

This is why you’ve always slept in the shack or the attic, Nascar.

“Haha, yeah, the dog just died, Tal.  You remember Cletus, he was always pissing on your leg and scooting around on your bed, remember?”

“Tell Unca’ Tal that calling during the dog’s death is really rude and he sucks ok?!”

“Haha, jellyfish are cute.”

Eventually, someone held a party, and I sent a couple of Secksies to crash it.  I never crashed a party before, I thought it would be a fun idea.

“This mutha’fucka ain’t on the list!”

“But I wus on the list!  Ur son invited me, Mr. Singleton, I swear it!”

“Yew better run on home boy, before I put the hurt on you!! *already puts the hurt on him*”

But Booker did teach me something I didn’t know about hay.  The little bundles of hay are also useable to spread hay out!  And here I was spending a fortune on those big piles to feed the horses…

But why Booker was stuffing all that hay into the walls of his barn, I will never figure out.

I actually sent them to the party to look for pretty teens.  Very slim pickings.

“Great great grandfather Darrell!  It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m a big fan of yours personally!”

“Wut?”

The party was so stale that Tater and Suger just spent the majority of it getting wasted in their basement.

“How’s that Budwieser workin’ out fur ya?”

“Urtssugrngfnug like cantfungugh *hic*”

“Sounds gud, I think I’ll pour me one then “

Suddenly, on the other side of town, Lady gets busted because Ken was teaching her to drive, and apparently, the asshole quit on her halfway and went home, leaving her on the sidewalk.

“Your chip-I MEAN your father Ken called you in missing, I suggest you get in the squad car NOW”

“Yep, I hate my papa alright.”

“What is wrong with you?!  How dare you get caught after I abandon you on the side of the road like that?!  I raised you to be smarter than that!”

“That’s nawt fair, papa ;_;”

“Oh, don’t cry!  I’m sorry sweetie.  It’s not your fault you are stupid.  Fine, you don’t have to be grounded anymore, come here to papa”

“That’s nawt FAIR”

“Yew let her off the hook SO EASILY, but when I need to be let off the hook, yew suddenly HAVE better thinks to do!  FUCK yew Lady!  Yew ‘n Papa can SHOVE IT UP UR ASS fur all I care!”

“Dolly don’t you have dishes you need to wash”

Back at Booker’s place:

“Oh lawd, wut did I do last night?!  I only have a faint mem’ry of dancin’ nude on a table ‘n lettin’ gross old men take shots outta my bellybutton!”

“No Sugar, sweetie, I’m the one that did all that “

Dammit, all the intresting things happen when I’m not looking D:

Anyway.

Guess what time it is.

THAT’S RIGHT.

It’s the last HEIR POLL TIME

And here are the contenders:

The little tomboyish one, and a clone of her father Ken down to a T.

Or Sugar’s crazy “twin” sister, Carrie Tay. Almost a clone but Tater’s little lips and ears.

Dolly, the one that’s always grounded, and a decent genetic mix of both parents.

And finally, Lady, the one that takes after Ken, you know, sucks befriending the horses and whatnot.  She’s also a Ken clone, but she has Bella throwback hair.

BAM

This is IT people

Next generation is Generation TEN

Let’s try to make this the sexiest Secksie EVER

Here you go.

Old Faces

 

“Wait, why are you back here?!  At City Hall?!”

I’m resetting the whole town again, Dan.  Third freaking time, so go home and take care of your pet children.

“But don’t you worry about what resetting the whole town could do?!  Aren’t you paranoid that you could be damaging something important in this process?!  Why won’t you get the crashes fixed permanently so you won’t have to do this agai-*resetted*”

It might have, it might have not.  But I went through the town and deleted a few elderly people, and so far so good.

No crashes since then, so I guess serial murder did the trick.  Thanks everyone for all the suggestions though.

“Thur’s another cake in the hawse.  SO TIRED of livin’ off cake!  I’m so sick ‘n tired ‘n malnutrionafied ‘n I don’t even want to luk at it!  *derps off*”

Well, it’s not yours so I don’t see what your problem is.

Birthday for Lady though.

“Mmhmm.”

I think her new trait was loves the outdoors or something obvious like that.

“Yep, my sister is trash. HEY LADY, cover it up, will ya?!  Skank!”

“Daddy, she’s callin’ me trash!  Do something ’bout her befur I have to kick her ass!”

“YAY, my nieces are fighting!  Ten bucks on the brunette, Tater!”

“All yall ‘r gettin’ on my fuckin’ nerves.  If any of yall need me, I’m going fur a walk.”

“Yay, family outin’, without the family.  Gud to git away from dem crazy people now ‘n again.”

“Oh cool, we still own the museum… ‘n we have a visitor!  Howdy!  Welcome to the Secksie Wing of the museum, were we have many craptastic paintin’s passed down frum many generations of dum’asses ‘n hicktards-”

“Hey wait… don’t I know yew frum sumwhere?”

“Well if you can’t remember who I am, then what was the point of me even coming here?”

“HOLY SHIT, LUTHER!  Damn man, I thought I’d never see YEW again!  How long you’ve been in town?!”

“Eh, a week.  Just moved here with my family and moved into a house across town.  Heard you guys had an exhibit in the museum and came to check it out.  I didn’t think you’d show up here too!”

“Speakin’ of which, how is the family?”

“If you are talking about Pilot, he moved off not long after you left as well.  Something about realizing a life long dream to live with african wild dogs now that pets were out… he said he’d write me when he got there, and he never did…”

“But, I did get married.  I has a wife, and two kids now.”

“Cool, I’m married too, got a husband and four daughters.”

“And I hear you still have that robot… I’m real sorry to hear that.”

“Eh, sometimes he cleans up after himself now a days…”

“Hey, would you like to meet my family?  There around here somewhere…”

“Um, sure!  I don’t see a problem with that!”

“Hey Eris, I just clogged up the toilet here with last night’s burrito.  Wanna go play “plumber” with me for a bit?  You can play the plunger!”

“DAD!  Lucian’s being a butthole again!”

“Well, it didn’t take us long to find the kids…”

“Gawd, I hope that toilet ain’t really clogged…”

“Tater, this is Lucian, my oldest, and the little girl that ran off screaming something about Lucian sucking eggs was my daughter Eris.”

“Lucian, eh?  Yew luk very… “Patriotic”.”

“Yew think so? He’s actually a little rebellious hellion, so if I were you, I’d keep him away from your daughters!  Haha!  But no seriously. Don’t let him near your daughters.”

“GEE, thanks a lot dad.”

“Now that you’ve met those two, I’m sure my wife couldn’t have wondered off too far away…”

“She’s out in the plaza dad.  Something about hating art and your piss poor choices for family outings.”

“I think I like this woman already, Luther!”

“There you are hon!  Lucian said you were out here, what’cha doin?”

“Eh, nothing.  Getting out of the stuffy museum for air and all.  Your son clogged the toilet by the way, how could you not smell that on the way out here?”

“Oh dang, I feel as if I know dis’ gurl already…”

“Oh, by the way hon, there’s someone I want you to meet right quick!”

“Tater, this is my wife, Sierra Mist.  Sierra, this is the guy I told you about!”

“Oh my, is it really the infamous Tater?!  Oh man, my husband has told me so much about you!”

“Hopefully gud things, I’m guessin’!”

“Oh yes, my husband has told me all kinds of things!”

“Waaay too many things about you sometimes…”

“Really now!  Wut kinda things, Luther, HM?”

“I get it, sometimes I talk too much.  You don’t have to tell everyone that, you know.”

“There’s nothing wrong with how much you talk sweetie.  I love it when you babble on and on…”

“Aw, and I love you when you listen and pretend to be intrested in my rambles, poo-bear!”

“Oh, they aren’t rambles, my honeydumpling…”

“Babycakes…”

“Ok, this is gettin’ real fuckin’ uncomfurtabul…”

“Aw, but I can’t help it, isn’t she just a doll, Tater-”

*the meanest death glare I have ever seen a sim give another sim, holy shit Tater, it wasn’t that bad*

“Well, I gotta go.  Wus gud ‘n all to meet ya Mt. Dew, but I gotta be gettin’ back to my own lot!”

“Um… that’s cool, but uh, my name’s Sierra…”

“Um… sure, whatever Dewie.  It’s ok, yew ain’t gotta drop the act ‘r anythin’ but whenever ur done pretendin’ to bein’ back frum the ded ‘n all-”

“Huh?”

“HAHA, isn’t he just hilarious!  I told you!  Well, I better get him out of here, we’ll go get an ice cream or something, catch up, I’ll see you and the kids back at the house!”

“Really Tater?  What was that about?”

“I’m sorreh.  I really am.  I didn’t mean to suddenly sound short.  It wasn’t her fault… but it is so strange to see yew again… ‘n to think yew found… someone else…”

“Listen, I know… Jeez, when I first heard that your family could be in this town when I first moved in, I about had a heart attack myself…  You know you always had a special place in my heart Tater…”

“‘N yew gawt someone else to fill it up fur ya when I left, I guess.”

“No!  You have always been special to me!  But my wife is special to me too, she’s my number one and I love her for her, just as I loved you for being you…”

“I know that feelin’ too.  I love Ken now myself.  But this is still strange to me.  I never really gawt ovur yew either, just as Bear never really gawt over Opal, ‘n mama never gawt over her alien fetishes…”

“But we can still be friends!  No way we could ever be together now, of course!  But we really should hang out now that I’m in town.”

“Of course!  Yew know wut?!  Whenever I have a party ‘r some gatherin’ at my hawse, I’ll invite yew to come!  Hell, I’ll invite Dewie and ur kids ovur too!  Yew can meet my husband  ’n we can make fun of Nascar again like we used to!”

“That would be great!  But, you have to remember Tater.  My wife is Sierra, not Dewie.”

“Yeah yeah, wutever.”

***Fun little tidbit (Ok, so it’s not “fun”.  It’s hardly interesting, but whatever.)  Right before I started moving the family to Assholoosa Plains, you remember when Sunset started crapping out so hard that all I could save were the Secksies and a few other sims before I said the hell with it?  Well, Luther was one of the sims didn’t make it, and that was sad and all.  Then I realized that I saved a toddler Luther in my library when the town was trying to kill him off ages ago.  Bored, I bred him with a clone Dewie, and there you go.  I brought him back because I liked him too much.  That and I like to waste so much time with CAS |D

Back at the house, a MIRACLE was happening in the front yard.

“… he hasn’t bolted or tried to bite or kick me yet.  Is the horse even noticing me standing here?”

“If yew wanna ride, hurry up and get on, dumbass.”

“Tater!  Tater, LOOK!  I’m doing it!  I’m finally getting back on the horse!”

“Mmhmm, knew yew could do it dear *not really looking*”

“At least help me up, if you can, horse!”

“Eh, fuck yew Ken.  I’m just too tired to fight wid’ya right now.”

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, all that reading up I did on horseback riding did NOT help me at all…”

“Strange, I gawt’n image of yew tryin’ to ride a book.  Ur right, that wouldn’t have helped.”

“Eh look boys!  A domestic horse and his little rider buddy!  They seem to be lost in our turf… heh heh…”

“Oh shit, Lynyrd, where are you taking us…”

“Yo pet.  Seem a little far from home, don’t ya think, boy?!”

“Oh God, Lynyrd, we are going to get shanked and mugged by these guys aren’t we?!”

“Yo man, git back here and answer my boi when he’s talkin’ to you!”

“I wanna be a BROADWAY STAR, daddy!”

“Ok, you really messed up the thing we had going, Smokie…”

“Can we go home now, Lynyrd?  I thought we were going to die…”

“See, this is why I don’t let you ride, Ken.”

“Hey!  Lady!  Luk’it wut me ‘n CT did at school today!  We went ahead and became real twins!  Siamese twins!  Jealous?!”

“Now we are connected ‘n can-”

“-finish-”

“-each-”

“-other’s-”

“-cawn’dogs!”

“Cawn’dogs, CT?!  Yew were supposed to say sandwiches!  That’s the joke, yew id’jit!”

“Well I don’t want yew finishin’ my sandwiches either!  Yew know as well as I do that I HATE cawn’dogs!”

“Sigh…I never asked fur two younger sisters…”

“Alright Lynyrd!  Our first attempt at horse racing!  You excited?!”

“I’m irritated.”

“Good!  Let’s do this! “

The race itself wasn’t intresting.  I think I was supposed to get some screen that told me how those two were doing?  Meanwhile, while the horse race was going on, this was happening outside of the stadium.

“SCREW YEW, Jeramy!  Yew go’n knawk’ me up ‘n promise me yew’d move in ‘n help ‘n yew’d git an actual job, ‘n heer I find yew gamblin’ at races?!”

“I wasn’t gambling!  Gambling is for stupid people.  I like to call what I do ‘profits from statistics’!”

“Oh REALLY now?!  Well how much profits ya gawn’ ‘n made tonight, huh?!”

“Ok, you got me, we’re broke now.”

“Yew sly sum’bitch.  I outta ring ur neck fur this.  Yew can jus’ pack ur shit ‘n go.”

“Really?!  Good, because, see this?!  This is my ring finger and he’s finally free!”

“EXPECT THE DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL, ASSHOLE.”

“Well, that was horrible, Lynyrd.  Between the couple screaming outside and coming in in last place, I think that this wasn’t a very good race…”

“YEW DON’T SAY.  WELL THEN, WOULD YEW LIKE TO KNOW HOW I THINK ‘BOUT TONIGHT?!”

“No no, I’m getting off now “

Poor Lynyrd was so tired that by the time he got home, he passed out on Lady’s sandcastle.  Poor horsie.

*A usual Secksie morning*

Lady: “I’m ’bout to go do the same thing, after standin’ on the porch fur an hour and a half “

And as usual, Dolly got the shit end of it.

“I’M SO TIRED OF YEW NOT GETTING ON THAT BUS AT EXACTLY 8 AM ON THE DOT RAAAGHGHKLWSAGHIOWNKSD I’M SO PISSED NO TV FOR YEW”

“Yew didn’t even give me any time to get to the bus!  Unca’ Bear, I could have been halfway to school by now if yew haven’t stopped me!”

“GO WASH DISHES”

“Holy crap, Bear!  There is absolutely no water in the trough today!  I wonder where could it all have gone overnight?!”

“I donno, Nascar, it might nawt have a damn thing to do with the giant ass hole you just kicked into it with your leg!  Nawt at all, I’m sure!”

Yes, Bear.  And tightening the faucet will fix that hole.

“Daddy?!  I do beliee’ ur in MY chair.”

“Hey luk, it’s ME, nawt givin’ a shit.”

Bella: “HUR HUR, I HORSE, HOW’D THIS PORCH GET HERE”

Sugar: “PAPA, daddy’s bein’ mean to me.  Nawt givin’ me my seat.”

Ken: “Tater, give the child your seat.”

Tater: “Still not givin’ a shit here.”

Sugar: “See, this is why papa is my favorite.”

Tater: “Wutever, jus’ remember who’s the one that gave birth to ur skrawny ass.”

Ken: “No, I’m the one who had Sugar, Tater.  You had CT, you kept complaining about her big melon head, remember?”

Sugar: “…I had an appetite, eh, it’s gawn’ now…”

“Dolly!  I’m ashamed of you!  Late for school again I see!  Did you not learn from your daddy and Bear already?!”

“Nawt yew TOO, papa!”

“We aren’t going to tolerate this lateness!  I hate being the bad parent but you’re grounded until you can learn how to get to the bus quicker than this!”

“THAT’S IT!  I’M SICK OF GETTING THE SHIT END OF THIS!!”

“Calm down, it’s just for two days-”

“NO!  THIS AIN’T FAIR, YOU DON’T GIVE ME TIME TO GET TO THE BUS, AND YALL WANT TO JUMP ON MY ASS THE QUICKEST MOMENT YOU GET!  YALL STAND ‘ROUND ‘N BITCH BOUT TAKIN’ THREE HOURS TO TAKE A DUMP BUT JUMPIN’ ON DOLLY’S ASS ABOUT SCHOOL IS THE QUICKEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO FUR YEW GUYS!!”

“Dolly, that’s enough now-”

“AND THIS HOUSE!  IF IT DIDN’T TAKE TWO FUCKIN’ HOURS TO GET OFF THE PORCH, WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM! HOW BOUT IF I JUS’  QUIT SCHOOL, YEW WANT THAT PAPA?!  YEW ‘N BEAR AND DADDY WANT ME TO GO TO THE SCHOOL AND HAND IN MY QUITTIN’ PAPERS BECAUSE I WILL!”

“Hey, I’m starvin’ in here…”

“GO FIX UR DAMN PROBLEM ON UR OWN THEN, UNCA’ NASCAR!”

“This didn’t help, I’m still starving”

“RIDIN’ THE HORSE ISN’T FIXIN’ UR DAMN PROBLEM, UNCA’ NASCAR!!  UGH, UR ALL DRIVIN’ ME UP THE FUCKIN’ WALLS”

By the time Dolly was done with her little rant, the other girls were back from school.  That’s how horribly slow that day took.

“And YEW!  I”m sick of ur little innocent princess act!  I ain’t allowed to go to the prom when I’m 13, but YEW can go ’round wid’ ur middrif all hangin’ out like it ain’t no thang?!  FUCK YEW LADY.”

“Holy crap Dolly, what crawled up ur ass ‘n laid eggs, huh?!”

“Yew don’t think I don’t see why they don’t punish YEW or those other two fur takin’ their time gettin’ on the bus?!  Cause yall take up jus’ as much time as I do!  Sorry I can’t be my parent’s favorite cuz’ I ain’t purdy ‘n green like yall three!  Kiss my ASS, Lady!”

“Now ur jus’ bein’ stupid!  I ain’t done a thing to yew to deserve this!”

“Yew know wut?!  Screw yew, and screw this whole family, I’m runnin’ away!”

“I’ll come wid’ ya!  It’ll be like a cool lil’ adventure!”

“No, CT, go home ‘n stay there!”

“But I wanna come wid’ yew!  We can go campin’ in play wid all the squirrels and join the gang of horses ‘n mug unexpectin’ joggers like the horses do fur their drug money “

“FINE.  But yew better not git in my way or else…”

Love Failures

“Hey all you sexy mamasitas and suger daddies out there in the world tonight!  Valentines day up in hizzah, yall!”

“Enjoying my favorite holiday?!  I know I am!  ’Bout to go to the singles bar and start a love fest up in this piece!  Gonna be the greatest damn sexy party the world has ever seen!”

“Dusty, please stop, you are embarrassing yourself and the memory of your dead mother and father.”

“Aw, go away dog.  Don’t you have your own balls you should be chewing on right about now or something?  I’m getting ready to go out and find me a date for the holiday, and you are getting in my way!”

“I’m getting in your way?  As a matter of fact, you are in mine, as I’m about to get ready to go on my own romantic date with my girlfriend, as is Carl and W.D. getting ready for theirs!”

“WHAT?!  The dogs have DATES and I don’t?!  That’s NOT FAIR AT ALL!”

HAHA.  Dusty really is a loser if she can’t even compare to the dogs.

Meanwhile, back in Secksie land, the crashes were temporarily fixed, after I reset the whole town.  Twice.  At the start of this chapter, and at the end of this chapter, when the crashes started flaring back up like a bad case of herpes or something.

“Hi, Sheld’n!  I’m back to ask you out to the prom for the 6th or 7th time and… wait, where’s the option to ask out to the prom?”

“Um… I’unno.”

“Strange.  I guess I already asked you out and saved it successfully or something.  Oh well. I guess I’ll see you prom night then!”

“Ok!”

I don’t know Dolly, something’s just not right about this…

Back at the house, I was only gone for a few minutes, and someone has gotten one of the babies out of their safety net… and they are already miserable.

Tater: “I HAVE TERRIBLE IDEARS”

Bear: “Good thing it’s her birthday then, right?”

Really, I was only gone a couple of minutes, WHY are both babies exhausted so quickly?!

“We are purdy wild n’ rawdy ’round here yew know.”

Well as far as I can tell there’s no problem picking up the kids anymore…

“Why do I always get ignored when growing up the children?  Is it me they don’t like watching during the grow up sequences?!”

“DADDY I’M TIRED OF WAITING STOP TAKING YOUR TIME”

“Hold on CT, I’m ranting here…*stares*”

…

Yet somehow Carrie Tay still manages to age up first.

“That’s cause Sugah’ ain’t as cool as me.  She ain’t got the hussa ‘n flow to keep up wid me *faceplants cake*”

Oh yes.  CT is insane.

Sugar is just gender confused.

“I like my hair this way!  Thur’s gotta be sum’ testawst’rone in this generation sumwhere.”

“‘N so yew stick them in MY room?!  I already gotta share this ‘n my bathroom wid’ one of my sisturs’, WHY all three?!”

Because you got the biggest room in the house?  I’d stick them in the shed with the robot, but the farther away I have them from the killer cow plant, the better.

“Ok, Tal.  You called me to come over and hang out, so here I am.  Wassup?”

“I just wanted to show you… see that baby over there?!  That’s mine!  I made it!  With a woman!  I’m so awesome “

“And see dat?  Dat’s where I sweep at night!  It smells like old doggie pee pee!”

“I’m just… gonna go home now.”

“Hello bitches!  Goodbye bitches!”

“OOH, Lynyrd!  Look!  Another horse!  We should go hang out with him!”

“And look at me, not giving a fuck *pretends to sleep*”

“SCREW YOU LYNYRD, you wouldn’t know a fun looking idea if it bit you on the ass!  I’M following Goo Goo, you can stay here and be a butthole all you want!”

“Wait for me Goo Goo!  I wanna hangout!!”

I don’t think you can hang out with him if you break all your legs, Bella.

“Playin’ wid dirty, slushy, mud-snow!  Nothin’ like it!  La-de la-da, nawt freezin’ my butt off at all!”

Yep, she’s crazy.  No kid wants to play in icy mud in their summer clothes!

“I’m beggin’ to differ, I find this snowmud pie makin’ funner than feedin’ papa’s ‘cough medicine’ to Cletus!”

“Ain’t it though!”

If you think so.

“Tal?!  I JUST got back from leaving ur place five minutes ago!  Wat’cha want now?!”

“DUDE!  Guess what!  GUESS WHAT!  After you left… I knocked up my wife again!! HAHAHA *click*”

“…”

“Come on in here, Goo Goo!  This is my favorite area at this place, it’s so-MOVE IT KID.”

“Well, I do like dim lit areas…”

“They get me in such a mood…”

“What, NO GOO GOO.  I said NO!”

“Aw, but BABYYYYYYYYY *nuzzles buttocks*”

“I SAID NO GOO GOO, I’M MARRIED”

“Dad (I’m guessing you are my dad) should we do something about the horses about to get it on and blocking us in a tight little corner in the barn?!”

“Naw son, why’d yew go ‘n think a thing like that?”

“RED ALERT GUYS!  RED ALERT!  This horse is REALLY about to, uh, DO THINGS!  I KNOW HE IS!  I can feel it on the back of my head ;_______;”

Oh hey look, something more important!  It’s Kip!  KIPPY KIP KIP, my favorite old people’s baby, how you holding out buddy?!

“*farts*”

Ok, maybe I can see why you are left alone in a dark barn now…

And look… Jay?!  Weren’t you were supposed to die about four months ago?!

“Wus I?  … I can’t really keep up wid’ anythin’ anymore myself.”

I can tell.

“I JUST HAD SEEEEX, AND IT FELT SO GOOD-”

“Oh hell, that was the most awkward moment of my life.  I’m going home now…”

“Hey!  HEY OLD MAN!  Guess what!  I just got LAID!”

“You did not, you ended up mounting a pair of barrels while my children screamed bloody trauma!”

“You are just JEALOUS”

“Hey, there you are Bella!  I was wondering what was taking you so long getting back home!”

“Bah, what do you care?”

“Just figured you’d have so much fun hanging out with Goo Goo that you’d forget about me-”

“I DIDN’T HAVE ANY FUN IF THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK,  YOU DIRTY MINDED FREAK”

“Um… ok?”

“Sigh, nevermind…”

“But I was worried about you Bella, didn’t think you’d come back home to me and I was about to have to go kick some Goo Goo ass!”

“You’d really do that for me?”

“Of course I would!  You’re my girl, Bella!”

“Aw, Lynyrd… you can be sweet sometimes…”

“Yay, mommy and daddy aren’t fighting anymore!!”

Why do you horse gnomes INSIST on blocking up the whole porch?!

“We enjoy the rare attention you give us “

“That’s weird, since when did yew have a full forest on ur chest, Tater?!”

“Sigh, I jus’ gawt older, all adult now, ‘n dad’s genes hit me like a sack a hammers… it itches like a mu’fuckur too…”

“I wish I gawt papa’s hairy genes, I’d grow hair all down to here!  Then maybe I could get a girlfriend for once, they find lots of hair sexy, right?!”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear yew jus’ talk bout wantin’ to grow a ball-beard ‘n continue to stare at the cheap panelin’…”

Finally, the day of prom… or when prom is supposed to start anyway…

“Tee hee, Sheld’n's gonna come by ‘n pick me up fur prom!  He sed’ we’re gonna do it in style, so we’re gonna drive up to the prom on his four wheeler!  It’s gonna be the best damn prom party ever!”

“Hm, he’s a lil’ late… prom starts in twenny’ minutes, Sheld’n…”

“Oh, I know wut’s he doin’!  He’s cleanin’ the four wheeler so I don’t have to sit on all that mud ‘n git my dress all dirty!  Aw, he’s so thoughtful…”

“Ok, this ain’t funny… prom’s started already ‘n he ain’t here yet… I’mma count to ten ‘n if he ain’t here…”

“I’m kickin’ ‘im in the fuggin’ nuts.”

“Oh dear God, baby girl!  I was afraid you were out here still going on about your prom wishes…”

“No daddy, don’t tell me papa’s gone ‘n convinced yew I can’t go either!”

“No… but you won’t be able to go anyway!”

“Why not?!“

“Look sweetheart, I don’t like being the mean parent and I was all for you going to your first prom, I tried to convince your papa on several occasions.  But he was real headstrong about you not going… hon, your papa called that school and canceled your ticket.  You won’t be able to go at all now.”

“WUT?!”

“Papa, daddy sed yew went ‘n cancelled my ticket… please tell me it ain’t true ‘n yew ain’t that mean…”

“No, your daddy’s right, I did cancel that ticket.  I told yew yew ain’t goin’ to no damn prom ‘n that wus final.”

“PAPA!  How COULD yew!  One of the FEW happy moments in my life ‘n yew are that set on RUININ’ IT FUR ME?!  Why are yew such a big ASSHOLE?!”

“Dammit Dolly, calm down, it’s nawt the end of the world!”

“YES IT IS!!”

“WELL I REALLY LIKE HOW YEW WENT BEHIND MY BACK AND GAWT THAT FUCKIN’ TICKET ANYWAY!  AFTER I SAID NO!  YEW DISOBEYIN’ LIL BRAT, I COULD GROUND YEW FUR THE REST OF YOUR TEENAGE YEARS FOR THAT!”

“YEW WOULDN’T DARE.”

“LIKE HELL I WON’T! YEW AIN’T GONNA DISOBEY ME UNDER MY ROOF!”

“Well DADDY won’t let yew ground me, ‘n if nawt I’ll jus’ get Nascar to let me off the hook!  I’m gonna do wut I want!”

“Oh yew ain’t ’bout to pull that Queen Bitch bullshit on me, Dolly, I INVENTED the Queen Bitch *angrily pokes lip out and puts hands on hips*”

“Ew, papa is too damn old to think he can pull off the ‘Queen Bitch’.  Stop it papa, I’ll be good fur fuck’s sake…”

I think when I had to reset the whole town to fix the crashes, it reset the prom event as well.  So there really was no prom after all.  Heartbreaking, but I got to play for a bit crash free…

But this is where the crashes came back so AITGHBJELAFJGINJKLAKS

Notification time.

These are the notifications that survived all the crashes.  That makes them official.

Thor and Megan had another baby, who’s name is really Daniel now after a game reload…

And Jay is proving to be pretty damn unkillable this go round now that I’ve noticed he’s still alive.  He’s gone and knocked up simself Cait.  What she sees in an old centenarian widower is beyond me.  MUCH LESS having his babies.

I find this special because it doesn’t say WHICH Dan is the father of Ethan’s kid.  It’s just a thumbnail of a stork…

Either way, Dan or Dan ruined his marriage with Shanna

Shanna: “The baby looks like BOTH of them!!”

Ethan: “But I’m not that big of a whore “

And finally, Sharon is back to dating cousins, this time with Grady’s brother, because once you go Secksie… ok, I got nothing.

I shall end this chapter with a Valentines day send off:

Hee hee, pointless gifs.

The Secksie’s Superbowl Special II

For the record, I almost didn’t do a Superbowl special this year,  seeing as we just got over a long series of crashes.  But it was considered and at the last second, I asked my magic 8 ball if I should do one anyway.

The 8 ball said “Don’t count on it.”

We are going to go ahead with one anyway.

“Bear, I was thinkin’ since it’s Secksie tradition-”

“-We only did it once, man.  It’s nawt really a “tradition”, ya know.”

“Shaddup ‘n lemme finish.  I was thinkin’ that we’d hold a lil Superbawl’ party tomorruh’, so yew wanna help me do this thing? I mean, I know yew ain’t gawt nothin’ better to do no how anyway.”

“Well, I was going to curl up on mah bed ‘n look at Opal’s old high school photo ‘n cry, but watchin’ a hyped up footbawl game does sound better.”

“Naw Bear.  Nawt here, the livin’ room’s too smawl’ fur a bunch of rawdy’ football fans.  Let’s take this party somewhere better.”

So the Secksies rented out the football (football?  I still don’t know what kind of field layout this is.  Aztec soccer?) field behind the school building.

Nascar: “Hi there!”

“Dan, get your finger out of your nose, we are going live in about five or so minutes I think.”

“But I can’t, Rich!  There’s one of those sharp little boogers up there and if I don’t get it out now, it will press up on my nose and itch and all kinds of crazy shit-”

“DUDE shut up we’re on-HI THERE!  If you are just tuning in, welcome to our 2012 coverage of this year’s Superbowl, brought to all the sims by Sports Universe, the only station that cares that you watch sweaty men in tights.  I’m Rich Muron, and my partner here, Dan Prefer, will once again host this years Special, as absolutely nothing has changed since last year.”

“Speak for yourself, Rich, for this year I have grown a sportly new mustache!”

“And so begins our underpaid editing work…”

“So which team are you rallyin’ fur, Ken?”

“Oh, I don’t know yet, they both seem so cool, so I just sport the colors for both teams!  This way I’m for the winner either way.”

“Lemme guess, you’ve never seen a football game in your life, have you?”

“Oh Cleatus, I’m not even sure what a football is.  Is this the game where they try to get the teeny tiny white ball into the teeny tiny hole using a stick?”

“…Get the hell off the field.”

While waiting for the party to actually start, what better way to spend time than to actually play football!

“I’ve never held a football in my hands ever “

Your great grandmother Virginia is proud, Tater.

“Ah, there’s nothing better than taking an ole’ pigskin and roughhousin’, just like the old days *crushes ball*”

“Hey now.  Don’t yew start playin’ no hardball wid’ me Nascar.  I ain’t havin’ any of that shit.  I ain’t skilled as yew are so play nice.”

“Oh, I’m playin’ nice alright…”

“I said NICE, Nascar, don’t fuckin’ pelt me wid the damn thi-”

“HAH, still funny after all this time.”

“Ok everyone SHUT THE HELL UP!  Football game time “

“Welcome back from the break, fellow sports fans.  As you are all aware, last year brought the end of my short time girlfriend and fellow reporter, Janet, who was digested by the half time show performers, the Black Eyed Peas.  Those brutes.  Consuming such a sweet flower like Janet, why?! I can’t believe they are even still allowed to tour!  And be near more people?!  More PREY?!  Why, if I was out there right now I’d stick a fork in each one of their-”

“Whoa excuse me, what?  …What do you mean I can’t spread BEP propaganda on national television?  It’s true I tell you!  Well I’m sorry your wife is a Fergie fan, but my Janet… No I wanna keep my job…”

“Sorry about that folks, apparently the producers decided that it’s best to hold off on my Janet eulogy until later, but for now, let’s go to the game already in progress, shall we?”

“Ah, apparently the Giants are already leading the Patriots (LOL I wrote Pats.  I miss Pat.) several touch downs already.”

“Are you sure Dan?  It looks like it’s the Patriots that are leading instead.”

“I really can’t tell.  This game looks so… familar.”

“So Bear, what’s the point of this game again?”

“To WIN”

“Uh huh…”

“Cletus bored now.  Cletus need BEER!”

“Calm yourself Cletus.  It’s not even the end of the first quarter yet.”

“Try one of the bubblegum flavored drinks we have in the ice bucket next to the couch.”

“Are you KIDDIN’ me?!  I can’t git drunk off that!”

The first guest to the party was the dorky orcy dovahkiin, who came on a baby blue bicycle.

“I love this thing!  It doesn’t die when I ride it off a mountain.”

“Someone help me get a damn beer already!  I don’t have THUUUUMBS!”

“Bear!  Just get your dog a beer already!  I want one too and I can’t get one if there’s a line for it!”

“NO!  The commercials are already over?!  Not yet tv, I’m still SOBER!”

“And someone really married that carrot top?”

“Actually, I think she ran away because no one has seen her lately.”

“We are back Dan.  Is it just me or is number 12 looking a little squiggly today?”

“All the Tom Bradies look a little squiggly today.  I’m glad you said something, I thought it was my new contacts acting up.”

“No, it’s been like that since number 41 went missing.  My theory is wild dogs, Dan.”

“Cleatus is sad.  Cleatus still hasn’t gotten a beer yet “

“Oh my Malacath, will someone get this damn dog a damn beer already?!”

“How’s the party over there, Tal?”

“I have to say Bear.  I really don’t prefer the view.”

“Are you kidding me?!  I think that’s the best view in the whole house “

“Well if you think it’s so great, Ken, why don’t you switch seats with me?!”

“RAAAH, Bear ANGRY!  Why are you here and not in SCHOOL, Dolly?!”

“Um, cuz, school let out TWO HOURS ago, Unca’ Bear!  Gawd!”

“SCHOOL ISN’T LONG ENOUGH UGH”

“Hee hee, he’s just sexually repressed”

“SHUT UP NASCAR”

“So Rich, looking forward to the halftime show coming up in a few seconds?”

“No actually.  It brings back so many sad memories.  So sad.  So heartbreaking.”

“I don’t know, makes me kinda hungry myself.”

“BAAAW NOOOO MY POOR JANET WHY”

“HAH, it gets funnier everytime I say that!”

“So halftime show, Rich.  I don’t know, something’s just not quite right…”

“Like what, the fact that Madonna is about as old as my grandmother and she still makes me hot?”

“No, WHAT?  Um… I was thinking more like-”

“Ah, there we go, NOW it’s a halftime show!”

“What are we watching, Rich?!”

“American entertainment, my dear friend.  American entertainment.”

“…Wait, ain’t she British?”

“Wait, what’s going on now?  I can’t see the TV!  Hey you!  DOWN IN FRONT!”

“Oh hi guys!  I just wanted to come over and say something.  I’m Angelita.”

“WHO CARES, MOVE, IN WAY OF TV”

“Oh wow.  All these people here… maybe I should leave… *continues to stand*”

“That’s it, I’m going to have to kick your ass now, aren’t I?!”

“OOH football fan fight!  GIT HER!”

“If a fight really does go down, this really will be a great party!”

“I might actually put money down too if it goes down!”

“GASP!  She’s still in front of the TV”

“I think I’ll get in on this bet too!  If I win, it’ll help wid’ mah medical bills fur mah arm.”

“Who’s ready for more football!”

“Dan!  Your mustache fell off!”

“Ah well.  That’s what we get for paying the editors with ham sandwiches I guess.”

“Alright, so far the Patriots are in the lead-”

“Giants, Dan.”

“I’m not really paying attention.”

“Well you should.  It was a great play, filled with whimsy and woe.  Giant’s number 22 got into a spat with Pat’s 12 right on the field, and 12 had to come pull 12 off of him, and 12.”

“We get it, you are man crushing on Brady.”

“Number 154 scored a touchdown!  It was amazing!  The greatest play I wasn’t really watching!  Apparently it involved some tricky maneuvering, black magic, and a turnip if I’m not mistaken, Rich!”

“…How do you stand to watch this confusing mess, Dan?!”

“A lot of vodka, my friend.”

“BITCH.  We told you to MOVE five minutes ago.  It wasn’t funny then and it’s not funny now, so GET LOST.”

“UGH, how rude.  You invite my sister and my mother, and not me, and you think you can talk down to me like that?!  The nerve of some people.”

“I’m LEAVING.  I have a happy meal in the fridge with my name on it that I need to get to now anyway!”

“Good riddance.  Don’t let the door slap you on the ass on the way out.”

“Now that that’s over with… HAHA, WHAT?!  We are watching football?!”

“Um, we’ve BEEN watching football the whole time…  what did you think we were watching?”

“I didn’t know, I was too busy making fun of you, Carrot Head Man!”

“Sigh.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, wait, how did Troy Purmurdurburur get on the field?!”

“Don’t you remember, Dan?  They never caught him from last year!  Legend has it he’s been living under the stadium, awaiting the next Superbowl for him to make an appearance in.”

“Should… someone go get a net or something?”

“Why is one of our editors running around screaming on the field?”

“Dumb ho got a hand cramp, Dan.  But the good news is now with Troy returned to the property of the Steelers, the game is back on, and I really think it’s going to be a good game this year after all!  We haven’t had as many players die in hole related deaths as we did last year.  Hell, the Patriots still have all their Tom Brady clones.”

“No wait, Rich, what’s happening now…?!”

“I think… I think they are playing baseball now, Dan… Wait, I don’t think they even know where the baseball is either…”

“What is this, I don’t even…”

“Oh, it’s over?!  Oh, and let’s see… Giants got all the points first quarter, then Patriots got something… carry the two… plus ten…”

“Oh NO,  I’m out of $4000!  My gamblers anonymous group is going to be PISSED”

“WOO!  Giants WON!  I wus a Giants gurl all along!”

Actually I was certain the Secksies would be more of a bunch of Patriot supporters.  Maybe that was just me.

“Doesn’t matter winning team won, WOO!”

“Boo!  This party sucks because Angelita sucks BOOOOO”

“I agree, she is such a party ruiner!”

“Guys?  She left an HOUR ago.  She’s not even on the lot anymore.”

“So, wut’d yew think ’bout ur first football game, Ken?”

“I… am so confused.  Am I supposed to be this confused?”

“Have yew had anything to drink yet?”

“No, I haven’t!”

“Really?  …Then ya shouldn’t…”

“Well, we better hurry up ‘n start packin’ up.  The field’s startin’ to attract local hobos.”

“Yall boys mind of I sleep here for a few hours?!  Cool, thanks!”

“Hee hee, this is where I come to meet up with my local coke dealer!  Get it?!  Coke!  I’m funny.”

“Oh man, that joke physically hurt me.”

“Hurray!!”

“Um, ok?  Are ya jus’ now startin’ to get into the football day spirit or somethin’, Ken?”

“No, it’s also my birthday, Tater!”

“Oh, yeah that’s right, I remembered…”

Yeah right.

“Kinda looking a little worried there Tater “

“Oh no, I’ve just been glitched in the face on ‘n off all day now… but yay fur my husband!”

“Well, that’s it folks, our Superbowl coverage comes to a close this year.  Sigh, Dan… after this, do you even think they’ll let us keep this job?”

“I hope so, I still have to pay for my ex wife’s spa therapies and step-children child-support.”

“I’ve already told you to sacrifice her to the BEP, Dan!  Why won’t you listen to me?!”

“Sigh, where’s my mustache, I’m going home.”

If You Could Redo Your Past Over and Over

Before we begin, I would just like to say a few words about my game.  You see, ever since I started my rainbowcy, I haven’t had a single crash on that town since it started.  Ok, maybe one or two I don’t even remember, if I pushed my computer too hard (which isn’t really a lot to push), but virtually crashless anyway.

The timeline of this chapter by itself has seen eight crashes.  And counting.  Last chapter saw only two or so, but this is ridiculous now.  I can’t figure out what the hell is going on, and the events of this chapter have been repeated so many times I just want to pull out my own teeth or something less painful than this repetition.  I’m moving along.  Just at a very short pace.

So anyway, on to the chapter.

By the way, I “fixed” the problem last chapter where the toddlers couldn’t be interacted with.  All I have to do is restart the game every time it happens D| which doesn’t matter, it’s going to crash anyway.  Thank god for the swings.

HAHA, your mom died.

Oh wait…

“Yay, the cowplant killed grammaw!”

Someone is way too happy to see the death of the last maternal figure in the family…

“Are you riding on my offspring, little green urchin?!  Do you WANT to see your grandmother again or something?!”

“I’m getting off now “

Let’s see, some new simselves were added, oh, er, simself.  This is Puddin, and she got stuck in Hetty’s old cat house on the outskirts of town.  She would have had simself roomies, like Andy, or Mickey, or Sacha, or all the other simselves my game says it’s successfully “installed” for me, but is really shitting on all my hopes and wishes.

So she gets a Skyrim-ish orc roommate instead |D

I’ve gotten mad stupid.

“Ok horse.  I want to complete my LTW at some fricking point, and you have two race related wishes since your turning of age, so we have to try to at least put or differences behind us if we have any hopes for our goals.”

“Yeah fine, bring me a meaty offering and I will consider letting you ride me successfully, mortal human.”

“How about a carrot?”

“Fine.  We can be friends now.”

*CRASH*

“How about a carrot?”

“FUCK YOU KEN.”

Aw, look.  It wants to be a real girl!

Probably hell no.

“Hey Lady.  Look, I know you and your sister are probably suffering over the recent destruction and death of your grandmother but…”

“Wait, why would I care about Bella’s death?”

“Yeah pops, that’s wut I figgur’d.”

Dolly’s fairing a little better over Bella’s death.  Then again, she doesn’t have school to also focus her saddness on, seeing as Bella died on a friday night.  At least she did something right for once and died on the weekend.

“YAY, a happy childhood memory fur me!”

No memories in my game, Dolly.

“Ok… YAY I’m naked!”

“‘N now I’m sad again, ‘cus grammaw wus the only one who’d text me, see how my day wus goin’, how to creep up on cute guys in my gym class…”

Yeah, really good thing she’s gone now…

Dolly’s sad poopy death filled childhood soon came to an end, as she had a pretty good birthday surrounded by family and friends and Nascar.

“I am still distraught over the death of my love.”

You two bumped uglies only once Nascar, how could you even think you two were in love?!

“Oh wow!  A party guest actually found the front door in time fur my cakin’!  This really is a gud birthday fur me!”

AND THEN…

“…Oh crap Tater, PLEASE tell me our little girl is going to pop out of this in a second…”

“She should… any second now… ANY SECOND NOW…”

“Haha, that’s damn funny right thur.”

And finally, after what I was sure was going to be another crash, but wasn’t, thankfully, Dolly grew up right, and I have never been more pleased.

Even if she knows she’s pretty and all that now that she’s snobbish.  Proud trailer trash, yes.

“Well hello there pretty little lady!  Why, come here and give ole’ Rico a hug, I might even have some candy for you!”

“I’m so damn uncomfortable right now that I’m going to block the front door…”

“YAHOO HEADBUTT”

“OW what the HELL man!  I think you broke my skull!”

“You shall not creep on little children while I’m around, you freak!”

“Yeah, I saved that little girl.  I’m so proud of myself.”

“AH DUDE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF MY SKULL, I’VE LEARNED MY LESSON”

The pervert somehow got away from the porch crowd and got in the house (please get away from him, Lady) and Dolly had hardly finished her cake when a prom announcement came up, which I find to be jumping the gun a bit, game.

“So papa, can I go?!  It sounds like so much fun from the five minutes I’ve been of age!”

“Hm… considerin’ that ur only 13ish or so… hell no.”

“Hey look!  I had a job, and no one knew it because I’ve been pregnant since the day I came here!”

Um… for what?

“I’m a music fan!”

In a sweater?

“Well, I can’t wear a torn white tee to a gospel choir.”

Oh, I see.

“Hello?  Oh Tal, I haven’t heard from YEW inna’ long time!  Wut yew been up to, man?  You had a kid?  With a woman?!  Oh gawd, please tell me she consented… she did?!  And she MARRIED YOU *crash* She’s still LIVING WITH YOU?!  A simself woman?!  Lucky sonuvabitch.  I mean, good for yew?  Me?  My lovelife?  …I gotta go man, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sigh, I’m never gonna have a love life…”

You will, eventually!  I promise!

Um.  The party’s over Rico.  Please go away.

“But your horse has such a nice buttocks”

“PLEASE MAKE HIM GO AWAY”

“Hello!  Look at me!  I’m so cute and fluffy and you just want to bury your face in my fluff and talk about my ittle bittle feet, don’t you!  Won’t you adopt me?”

Oh I would!  I would adopt and love and rename you Flareon and recolor you and LOVE AND CUTENESS AND HAPPY RAINBOWS OF ADORABLE YOUR FACE

“NAWT IN MAH HOUSE YEW LIL LAPDOG”

And then half a second later Cletus reduced him to a limp rag and I cried myself to sleep that night.

IT’S THREE IN THE MORNING

GET THE FUCK OFF MY LOT

“But your youngest little girl!  I can hear her!  And I want to hold her and cuddle her”

RUN INTO AN ELECTRIC FENCE

“So papa!  I know it’s still a lil early fur me to go to prom, but I really want to go!  I know I’m 13, but I promise I’ll be safe, and stick with girlfriends, and avoid spiked drinks and will come in early that night!  Won’t yew let me go?”

“Now that yew put it that way, sure.”

*CRASH”

“Now that yew put it that way, sure.”

*CRASH*

“Dammit Dolly, I don’t care how safe yew think ur gonna be, yew are too damn young, in there are perverts out in this town-”

Rico: “LOL I’m still here”

“-and yew still don’t know anything about the datin’ scene, ‘n I ain’t gonna let my lil’ girl become some toy fur some 17 year old hop head wid’ a crotch rocket!  I hate those motorcycles.”

“Dad, that’s not fair at all now…”

“I just want to know why the little girl is crying”

OMG FALL IN A HOLE RICO but that is a good question.  Why is Sugar crying?

“WAAH MY UNCLE BEAR IS A DICK”

“Don’t luk’it me!  I didn’t do anything, I’m in here readin’ a lil’ night night story to Lady.”

Considering Dolly and Tater are fighting in the yard, and Nascar is asleep, with you being the only other person in the house, who else could it have been, Bear?!

“Sigh, we are running low on foods supply Bella… so get the hell out of my way.”

“I don’t THINK so, Lynyrd!  Ever hear of chivalry?  Ladies first, you jackass.”

“But I’m the oldest, and I should get the first dibs!  Back off, I called it!”

“GO SUCK ON THE COWPLANT, DIPTARD”

As I mentioned before, there have been all the crashes and stuff.  And seeing how there were a lot of the crashes around the time of Ora Mae and Dolly’s birthday, I thought that Ora was causing the crashes, with her glitchy grow up sequences that effected the whole household and the long drawn out age up animations that went on way too long.  So I killed her.

“Did it work?  Did killing me make the crashes go away?”

Didn’t even faze them.

“Then in that case, I’m glad to be back by your side, Dolly!”

“Sigh… git ur hand off me.”

“So Sheld’n!  I saw you at my second attempt at a birthday party ‘n I thought, ‘I’d like to talk to dat boy’ so I came over, ‘n now I wanna know wut’s ur sign?”

“Oh, um, I’nno, haha”

Le Sheldon’s proud parents:

“Dammit, all my kids are white as hell!  I swear that ho cheated on me, oh SOB”

“Um, Zac, Sheldon looks just like you in the face.  Why are you questioning your parentage still?!  Idiot…”

“Sheld’n, I think you are the cutest boy in this town so far.  Wanna come wid a gurl like me to the prom in a coupla’ days…?”

“Haha, sure, I’d love to!”

*CRASH*

“Why not, I have nothing better to do that night!”

*CRASH*

“I’d LOVE to!  This is going to be so much fun-”

*MOTHER FUCKING CRASH*

DAMMIT GAME, STOP FIGHTING ME

It took four trips to the Whipsnake’s house to notice that it’s called the Midden-Skehrer’s for a reason.

“Hello Mrs. Sarah.  I’ve had a burnin’ question I’ve been meanin’ to ask yew since I noticed yew lived here now.  How’s it feel knowin’ ya have 3-5 kids, ‘n none of them live here with yew ‘r ur husband?”

“Oh don’t worry about my kids, little lady!  I sure don’t!  Haha!”

.___.

I was curious, and looked around town for a bit trying to find all her kids, and only found two of them, both by her current husband, but instead of taking them with her when they got married, they are now living with Dan.  Poor Dan.  Forced to take care of Sarah’s babies by another man once again.  I think all the stress has caused him to grow chick hair, because that’s a style I don’t even have converted, Dan ._.

“It’s ok!  Because I’m looking for an orphanage as we speak!  But I’m looking for a good orphanage, one where the care takers will take care of them and let them grow up knowing that there’s love in the world, in a city without thieves to tempt them into a bad life… or dragons…”

You’re playing Skyrim, aren’t you?

“It may be in a window off to the side or something…”

Speaking of such, I tried giving Lady a fun childhood.

Here she is playing tag with the orc.

“I swear fur a split second she unshethed her sword…”

“Hey there papa!  I gawt somethin’ to tell yew.  Now, I know yew said I couldn’t go to the prom ‘cus I was too yung’n stuff, but I found a guy, and he’s real nice ‘n all, ‘n seein’ as I’ve talked to him at least four times by now, yew GOTTA let me go to the prom now, please?!”

“Sigh, did yew NAWT hear a word I said the other day yesterday probably five concecutive minutes ago ’bout that damn prom?!  Ur too young, too immature, and yew hardly know anyone from ur high school yet anyway!  I’d rather set mahself on fire than hear any more business ’bout this and that’s THAT, Dolly!”

“Ur nawt bein’ FAIR!  Grammaw told me ’bout the time YEW snuck out to ur prom!  If she were heer, she’d let me go to it!”

“Yeah ‘n I bet ur grammaw wouldn’t have a problem wid all dem lil hornytoads handsin’ all over ya either!  They never caught that Rico kid, Dolly!  They NEVER CAUGHT HIM!”

I don’t know, Tater might have a point there…

Speaking of young children…

Oh, there you are, still hanging out with the orc ._. I should really save the game when you get back to the house before a crash sends you back here with her or something.

I see the horses are finally out of feed altogether now.

“Mmm, newspaper.  Perfect source of fiber and political scandal.”

Aw Bear.  Why so grumpy?  I love gwumpy Bear.  Da so cute n gumpy gumpy HAPPY RAINBOWS

“I’m pissed off because yew won’t let me do mah fav’rite thing to do in this hawse.  Ur like a damn cell guard ’round this place these days.”

What the hell are you talking about, Bear?

Oh.

Yes, well.

NO, LEAVE HER ALONE D:<

Then I got tired of all the crashes.  Here’s Dolly getting taught to drive by Tater, and getting way too enthusiastic about it.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DOLLY, BACK UP!  BACK UP OH FUGGIN HELL”

Actually technically the last thing that happened in the game was Lynyrd eating paper, so Dolly doesn’t know how to drive.  She will probably crash into the ice cream truck again next time, and probably one more time after that…  but how will she fair at prom (if we get to it)?!  How will the toddlers grow up (if we get to it)?!  Will Lady be corrupted by the orc and all that is Dovahkiin or will she finally come home (if we get to it)?!

…

Usually I’d play a little bit of sims after I post a chapter or so, kind of a after post celebration play.  But… because of all the crashes, I just don’t feel it tonight.

It’s so discouraging.

I’m going to go look up videos of cats now.